What happens when Cupid falls in love?

My last blog here

2005-07-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

My last blog Here

Hey Peeps! It's my last blog here, I'd moved to http://learnings-of-mandism.blogspot.com
OK? Link me up there! :) CHeers!

2005-07-20T14:32:00.000+08:00

~Je vOus aimez~

I'm so French Crazy now! hahaha... Have a lil foundation, been brushing up abit by the aid of a french dictionary. Hehe...

Bonjour chacun, soyez bienvenus à mon blog, j'espère que vous appréciez que vous lisez parce que je toujours blog avec tout mon coeur. apprécier. Hehehe...

U must be thinking, "stupid bitch! We dun know french! That's the whole point! I wanna blog but i dun wan the whole world to know some lil details... hahaha!" For those who reallie understand french, be merciful of my french as it might sound a bit weird cuz i just put in whatever i see in the dictionary, sorry for the bad French Grammar (which i totally hate!)

Yesterday, met up with my bestie Ling, If she had told me she's going to find Ann, i wouldn't have agreed to meet her until she's done with him. hahaha, well not that i dislike ann - i felt extra. They are so lovey-dovey, my god... Screw all this newly got together couple, but i sincerely wish that they will stay this way forever, I haven't seen Ling this happy in a long long time. Thanks ah Ann, for making my dah-ling so happy! Please continue to keep her happy ya? GO DJ TAI! *bleah* We just went for dinner, had quite a scrumptious meal! I had curry chicken with noodles, ling had the same except with bread, Ann had prawn mee... And we ordered a plate of "porkless" Wu xiang! hehe... i dun understand why they hate century egg! It's damn nice mann! Try it! Oh.. I also had a Ah Ballin's peanut "tang yuan" haha... Ling had sesame paste (is that how u spell it?) as desert. After dinner, Ann went back to MoMo... Then ling n me went PS, actually wanted to catch a movie, but it was too late, i need to catch the last train home, so we ended up chilling at Cafe Cartel. She ordered this very chocolatey chocolate cake, my Goodness! i dun even dare to touch it, so i told her, "if you eat Century egg, then i'll eat this." We had a nice conversation, as usual, I'd always like chatting with her, cuz she's not afraid to speak her mind and with her, i'm not afraid to speak my mind either. We make each other a better person i guess. i Dunno if i'd made her, but she definitely changed me.

Looking back at my previous blogs, i realise how childish i was in the past, my blogs are so damn shallow and stupid! it's just me ranting about how pathetic my tiny life is! Yes... I woke up this morning, and i feel like a totally different person. I was childish, I was selfish. I just happen to saw "him" last night at PS, I din know how to act, so i just pretend i din see him at all. To u, I dunno if you guys are reading this, i just need to say, " Merci Beucoup". Without ur blog chiding me... I wouldn't realise how lousy a person i am. Yes, I am selfish, I'd played my bf like a puppet... That was part of growing up process. Ask any girl on the street, 7 out of 10 tend to stray from a relationship. I had also done things that i shouldn't have done, but u (Her-you know who u r) bitching behind my back of things that are untrue and worst still, my darkest secrets i have with u; dun you think it is ur fault? I trusted you, i told u things i'd never imagine telling anyone, but what did i get in return? I dunno... It's ok. I'm better than that.

My bday's coming! It's less than a month! No worries, i'm not gonna make you guys scrimp and save to buy me pressie, wait a minute... I just realise, i haven't got so many frens at all. No need to pity me or sympathise me cuz although i have only a few friends, the ones that i have are Gems. All i need is these few true friends... So you guys, present must be something precious like gems and ahem.. u know ah hahaha! Hiya, to make things easy, give me a BIG BIG HONG BAO!! I need loadsa money!hahaha!

I was reading that girl... Xiaxue's blog, what's the commotion about? I think she's really cool, always speaking her mind and not holding back, at least she's happy. What is life about? Being happy right? I like her carefreeness, her ability to clearly descrive how she's feeling. She's also good at photoshop! hahaha! ok... I just find her hilarious lah! Muahaha... I wouldn't mind have a fren as qwerky as her. I saw her at Wisma the other day, she's really very short. Come to think bout it, i WILL mind having a fren like her and do does she, cuz we're too "different". I think she's only standing halfway of my arm. Somewhere near my Armpit. Hahaha! Ok... it's not funny, she's not short, i'm too tall. Damnit! I wish i can be as cute as her.

Baby's going for his english test, i hope he'll pass so he wun have to take english as a subject in U. I hope after three years of speakin english with me, his command of english is better. *Shitty, my english also very the broken* All the best baby!

Jesse just "jio" me go smoke later when Mrs Chua and Angeline's gone.. haha! So happy! First time in my entire 3 months of workin, someone jio me for a fag! I must Ren till 3pm. I can't let anyone smell my ciggies rite?... Haiz, life is so damn tough here. n i feel fat, as usual. Ya, Some things just dun change. Alrite... I gotta go.

~ I'm PMS-ing!~

2005-07-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

~I'm PMS-ing!~

Yes... It's the time of the month again. PMS = Pre Menstrual Symptons. One or two weeks before a girl has their menses, their body will go through what i would call, "Hormones raging". This might not apply to all girls, only 8 out of 10 women will feel this, what happen is, you will have water retention - hence, making you feel bloated and fat. When a girl feels fat and bloated, it's hell. She will repetitively ask, "Do i look fat?", "Am i fuck?" etc... We get really paranoid at this point of time, our face gets so oily and sweaty, zits and pimples keep popping out, blackheads become obvious, frankly speakin, this our ugliest time. WHo would like to look ugly? This is thus, the reason why we can flare up anytime, anywhere over anything! Like now, I'm just so god damn frustrated that i can't type faster! Guys, stop asking me to eat more chocolate, I'm fat enough!

I know some of you guys still read my blog, so... I would like to let you guys know, I wun be able to go out/hang out/clubbing or what so ever right now... and in the near future. I'm saving up for some personal stuff. Yes, I'd never been so determined in my entire life before. You guys will find out what is it in the near future. It's something I'd always wanted to do... I need alot of money. ANy donations? I need about 2K? haha... will help u dig ur ear wax for 20 bucks! Or w wiggle my fat ass for 10 mins for 30 bucks! Haha! I would also like to shout out to anyone who has part time job lobangs ok?... I need a few part time jobs! If got any offer let me know ok? I hope you guys understand... I'm not neglecting anyone, i just need this 2-3 months to do some stuffs.

I'm actually very tired. Blog later...

2005-07-14T12:02:00.000+08:00

~Heard Of Thursday Blues?~

I'd copied this from Jasmine's Blog which she had copied from Kailing's Blog. haha!

(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) had/have a crush on one of your "friendster" friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar - I always Throw up on Cab. haha!
(x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire.- just wanna know how it feels!
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone BECAUSE of "friendster"
( ) been moshing at a concert too ashamed to say which one.
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
( ) love someone right now and lovin it man.
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
( ) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely all the time
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
(x) watched the sun set
(x) touched a snake
(x) been tickled until i almost died
( ) been robbed
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) ran a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced on the mrt like every other kid.
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) walked barefoot through the mud.
(x) been lost.
(x) been to the opposite side of the country/world -i do that every-fucking-day
(x) swam in the sea
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke.
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sunset/sunrise with someone you cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
( ) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people.
(x) gone rollerskating/blading - and i broke my left elbow...
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey - ????? What is this?
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed "penis" in class
( ) ate dog food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) got your tongue stuck to a popsicle
(x) Kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didnt take a shower for a week
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
(x) worn an ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong
( ) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it -- we BBQ it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly - mum made e throw away. :(
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) cheated in a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dipping

I'm actually quite amused by some questions. Hahaha! So have u done what i'd done before? Or U have more? hahaha! Anyway, I'm just really bored here. Low marale, dun feel like working already, weekend coming. Geez... The office is so noisy! Argh! On some days, it's so quiet till u can hear the flies buzzing! It's already 1 plus, i haven't had my lunch. My colleage Karen always takes her time for lunch.. haiz... Not that i'm starving... Nevermind, late out for lunch, means late come back, late come back means closer to knock off time. haha! I can't wait for Saturday! So i can go MoMO with my dah-Ling... hehe... Ok lah.. I'm off for lunch!

2005-07-13T11:52:00.000+08:00

~Ktv-iNg today!~

I'm so looking forward to tonight's Ktv session with my colleage! Haha... I think it will be a blast! Why is it when you are anticipating for something, time flies really slowly? Hurry up hurry up!!! Ok... I'm being so childish. (-_-)"

Anyhoos, I've been late for work for the past few days! Been wasting money on cabs for the past two days too. My handphone alarm dun work!!! I was suppose to wake up at 7:15! got "chided" by my supervisor and i'd promised her i'll get myself an alarm clock. haha! My new day Resolution, I will never be late again! I was hardly late, i'm getting lazy, I can't be lazy! I hate lazy people! My blog is so shallow, i know.

I was talking to my baby about getting a bike license, i dun wanna pretend anymore, i wanna be the real me ... I'm always tom boyish... I like being a boy, so i'm just gonna follow my heart and my of cuz, get back in to my comfort zone. Getting a bike license was also my dream since i was like a lil girl, but grandma always had told all of us, "None in our family can learn bike! It's Too dangerous!" I know my grandma had already pass away, and defying a dead person's will is being unfillial and all, but look at the world, who in the world can get a driving license with a 700 bucks pay? I know i can't, i still need to pay for my hp bills, my own expenses and my daily meals! Even if i can afford a driving lesson, can i afford a car then? *Bleah* Bike is definitely cheaper and it's faster of cuz, drivers will be damn jealous of me when there's traffic jam! Haha! My guy told me, "Ride bike cannot wear skirts oh..." Ok... i admit i can't live without my denim skirts, but says who girls can't ride bike with denim skirts, I already dun like pretty skirts, floral blouse.. sexy black lacy top... haiz.. feel so uncomfortable in them, can't i like denim skirts?! The day i cut my hair short, i know it's the day i'll become my old self again, boyish. But guys like girls with long hair... SO WHAT?! I DUN CARE! HMRPH! I like my hair short!

Well, After reading Tuesday with Morris, I'd learn to be like nothing but myself, we only live once, we can't live like another person, we have to live like ourself. Say what you mean and mean what you say, Speak your mind - tactfully, dun hold back just becuz you are afraid of what the other party will think of you cuz you might never get the chance to speak your mind again. When you know death, you will not be afraid of death, when u live each day with no regrets, U will die with no regrets as well. It's all in the mind, deep down inside us, spiritually, we want to do certain things that we are afraid to try. Instead of trying, we transform ourselves into another human being, this can easily be describe in one word - Hide. Why Hide? That is the question that I've been trying to figure our myself. I am hiding from substantial amount of fears... But at least i try to overcome by the first step that is to confront my fear. I think I'm thinking a lil too deep over here. This is me, I'm always thinking and thinking... I think i'll score pretty if i take psychology. Haha... Seriously, if you think my mind is just vacuum, think again, i know you more than u think i know. Ok? N to u, If you are ignoring me just cuz i dun have money to borrow you, you are really the lousiest person I'd ever met. *angry face*

Now i really like to use the word, "Ok" after watching a Korean drama series, "Stairways to Heaven." Haha... Choi ji woo, from Winter Sonata and Kwon sang woo from My sassy tutor are the lead. That show made me cried buckets!!! It's so touching, i mean i know it's just drama but i think in every girl, somewhere in you, although it's heart-wreckin, u wan a relationship that is unconditional and romantic. Better still, you guy is the futur heir of big hotel chains, amusement park tycoon, etc. Haha... Dream on then. God is fair in everyways.. such characters only exist in drama. It's either you're rich and ugly, or poor and good-looking. Or... u might be rich and good-lookin but die young, and worst of all, poor, ugly and live so damn blardy long ( tat's me!!!) ARGH! i'm not the ugliest girl on earth, ok? But still, everyone has the right to dream...I love dreaming that i'm tis damsel in distress, then when i am at my most desparate moment, my Prince charming, a Tall, Dark and handsome man who sharp features ( Think Jon Jonsson or Jerry Yan) comes into my rescue, he happens to be a future heir of erm... 7-11? haha... Then after he save me, he will feel that, " ok... this girl... so-so only." Then later... after a few months, he realise he has fallen head over heels for me, haha! Then, his mum disapprove of me cuz i'm not some rich man's daughter but he insist he wanna be with me... Then me, with a ego so big, i choose to leave him even tho i love him so damn much. He will say, " FINE! LEAVE ME U BITCH!!!" After a few days... he will come to me and say, "I'm sorry, i shouldn't have yelled at you, i realise i can't live without you... please dun leave me." Then me... being the soft-hearted type as well, will go... , " I love you too... i promise i wun leave you, let's stay to togeter forever." Then we are together again. But his mum can't take it, so she thinks of millions of way to mess us up... but each time, we will cry, quarrel... in the end? We will still be together... and stay happily ever after! *the end*

Happy rite?... Tat's what Korean drama will do to you! The whole point of this blog is... I'm going to take up bike lesson! No matter how painful it is... UNLESS, My mum or whoever are nice enough to pay for my driving lessons! hehehe...

2005-07-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

~This iS rare!!!~

Today am not feeling really good as well, but today's blog will be different, cuz It's my Darling Landy's Birthday!!! HapPy birthday To yoU! Happy Birthday To you! HappY BIrthday-Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to yOU! Hehee...

Went Bugis with Landy just now and treat her a Lunner® ((lunch/Dinner)! It wasn't anything expensive, went V8 movie cafe, their black pepper steak's tha best!!! Landy can't take beef so she had chicken chop, the mushroom sauce looks so nice! Next time must have the chicken chop! hehe... Hey hubby say have too much beef will have loads of hair... like the ang mohs. ahaha! RuBBISH!!! It was nice you know, going out with her, it's been like months since we last went out together! Missed the Sec sch days so much, we use to go home after school rightaway, then meet up again to go study at sun plaza macdonald. I was like the "cannot make it" kid, but sec 5, sat beside her, she changed me. She forced me to study. Yes... By force! Haha. I also dunno why i listen to her, probably cuz i admire her, i think i had a crush on her back then... Haha! Reallie! I even told her i like her, she kinda freaked out. Who ask her to look like Vanness from F4 last time? haha!!! So, we studied very hard, i flung my O level prelims, but with her help and my hard work, i managed to get good grades for my O levels. Haha! Even when we went different poly, we still meet up and study. Things change when she told me she's getting married... haha! But it's good, at least I got a promotion! I'm someone's god mom now! Must learn to be good god mum.

Oh... We went shopping today, ok.. I din buy anything, just bought the DOve Body firming cream shower! hahaha! Ya lor, who ask me to be a size 12. Damnit! But huh, nowadays, i buy tops size 10 can already! hahahaa! BuT I wanna be size 8!!! Need to go down two size mann... use to be size 14-16 know... so fat rite? Shud be proud of my achievements so far! haaha! Anyway, i'm drifting away from my original topic. Landy bought herself a top... haha and some body whitening cream. I just realise my blackheads are like over-taking my nose! I must KILL THEM!!! Bought some Biore Pore pack. ahahaha! I'm like so freakin out when i realise my blackheads are getting so obvious! It's working i tell u, work so much, no time to take notice of my own damn skin condition! Anyways, Landy and i talked so much, she's like so happily married with a lovely son, my goodness, happiness is really contagious, i need more happy people ard me!!! Hahaha! We talk so much it's like we haven't chatted for so long, but it's easy talking to her, she's the best person to talk to, After all these years, I still love talking to her, i share with her every detail ( ok... almost all) and landy always manage to find a way to put a smile back on my face. Oh gosh... I miss her staying just across the road! Even if it's 12 midnight, when i call, she will be there and vice versa. Haizz..

Oh... Went to a to check my eyes yesterday, Doc told me i can't wear contact lens for 2 years!!! WHat the hell right? What my cornea tore or something, i might go blind if i keep wearing my lens. Damn... Then yesterday i Hiao lor, go wear my lens, then pain again... today morning my eyes pain till cannot open man. SO i guess no clubbing for 2 damn years... I'm not lke ling, wear glasses still look so cute. hahaha!

He called me, i thought he'll never call! Just am so happy. haha! He's such a cutie know... last time work together always manage to make me smile when i'm like - Down. Never thought we will still be in contact. Haha... Today I'm happy. Haha... Tat's why my blog title said, "this is rare!" I'm rarely happy these days. My mood changes all the time, but it's like season, when it comes, it will stay for quite some time, like.... 2 - 3 weeks... then another type of mood again. Now i'm in my depress n sad mood, so it's like... rare sight that i'm happy today. It's like having a day of warm sunny day during cold cold winter. Haha! Ok lah... Gotta go already! Blog again! Think about it... Happiness... it's really contagious rite?

2005-07-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

~Days of our lifes~

Those days... the sun seems to shine brighter. I just a year shy from getting my diploma. I guess i'd too much fun. Life goes on rite people? Ok... I'd already told u guys that i will decided what to do with my life rite? I'd finally figure out. When he told me he's gonna go ahead and study... I was not stumped. In fact, i just have this tiny feeling in me that we r not gonna work out, 3 years of studies... it's really hard to maintain. Anyhows, I'd decided to go study abroad. There's nothing much here for me to hold on to... except my palia sisters n my family. I shud learn to let go... he deserves a better girl. Right now, I'm just gonna go with the flow, see how things goes. I'd talked with my parents, they will be getting some savings shit next year, I'm going to either Australia or Ukraine. NO kiddin.

Looking back, our poly orientation was really fun. I knew right from the start that i'm not gonna make it. I Charboh half way thru the orientation. Went to a nearby block to smoke with my new khaki - Daniel. Haha... Sounds really fun. I was like so Onz one lor... Jas's class ask me along to their class camp, I use to really detest Kailing cuz i felt that she's a damn rowdy and noisy bitch. haha! But... At the camp, i realise that she's a real sweetie, vey adventurous... and most of all, very her. Jasmine, i use to be really scared of her, din dare to talk to her, she looks so ah lian, but then again, i was so wrong. She's a very very very x 1000000 NIce girl!!! The rest... erm, dun wanna talk about it. Then after that, got close with them... went clubbing, smokin session at the bedok reservoir, we got really close, I became much more closer to a real beautiful girl, Ling. Always go clubbing with her, found out we have common interest, taste, blah blah blah. We all realli had fun. Oh.. and Cosmo, Hello kitty, Huiting, Daniel... life was incredible! I miss those days definitely. Even tho we had misunderstandings every now and then, i just want you girls to know that I'd been nothing but honest. Things that i'm unhappy about u girls, i usually tell it straight to u all, u all shud know it, esp Ling. Haha.. she kena "chided" by me dunno how many times already. Sorry ah... U also got "lecture" me before, fair square huh?

I am determine to go study overseas. BY hook or by crook. I strongly believes i need a new environment. My feelings towards my guy is just like that Jolin Tsai song, "Dao Dai".

"I had enough of waiting for the things u said u've planned

When will our so-call future be coming?

it's always at the very last minute,

you've come to realise my goods,

i need someone to lean on, you're always never there,

I shud be happy, but u gave me emptiness,

standing outside the door of bliss, but somehow i just can't step in,

The pain that is being levelled up,

It's really hard for me to take it in

I finally accept the fact, love can't return.... "

I suck at translation. I dunno will he ever be reading this, if u are, this is my public plead to you. When u say u love me, show me. When u say u need me, prove it. When you ask me not to leave, explain why. When u say u are workin towards our future, promise me. I dun wanna be hanging no where. U're really driving me crazy. I dunno if i can ever be save by anyone. I really need to breakaway from everything.

Sorry peeps, i dunno why somehow my blog will always end up like this. My heart is really breakin. I need to sleep... I'm tired.

2005-07-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

~Dun Play So much~

I am not playing as much as i use to, living alone for the past two weeks makes me think. Not just think, but real deep thinking. Most of the time, i was alone, I was scared, I was worried, I began to really think it over. I called up someone, name Ron, chatted with him for 2 hours on relationship, life and work, he is a trained person i must say, the things he told me, are not the real solution, but things to stimulate my mind and make me think even harder. I was telling him about no matter how much effort i put into salvaging my relationship with my guy, he had to somehow or another, disappoint me. He told me, "So you love him rite? I can tell you are putting in effort, you feel that u had been taken for granted don't you? But looking at the situation now whereby u want to salvage this relationship, you do love him don't you?"

He was right, I still love him, tho some part of me were being left cold for a moment, I still do love him. Friends said i played him like a puppet... then do you guys ever know the pain I'm in. I do not want to defend myself anymore, because in chinese there's a saying, explaining means hiding. He hurt me, i hurt him back, end of story. Now i realise i have to put a stop to all the shit I'd put the both of us through. I am just gonna take things the way it is. I'm only human...
"People can take anything away from you, but they can never take away your truth. The question is, can you handle mine." everyone has their own dark secrets, so do i, but i have this weird lil feeling that, you guys will be unable to handle my truth. I'm trying to breakaway, change, lead a new life... It's torturing me.

Days at work are hard, I just happen to read an email someone send to another someone that people in the office dun trust me. Why? My party-girl image spoils it all? I dun think anyone would know that i'm a party-goer unless someone told another one and there goes... I'm pretty decently dress when i'm at work. I pur 100% focus on my work, just that i'm really not a morning person, 2 months, i still haven't got use to it. I promise myself, i will work hard... my aim this month is try to keep fit and not fall ill so i wouldn't need to take MC, i hate my weak body, always falling sick. No one believes i really fall sick, they will just go, "She ah... everytime go take MC, not responsible..." Yaddah yaddah yaddah. I will be responsible of all my actions. Give me time, I'll change. EVeryone change... and i dun see why I can't be given a chance to prove all of you wrong.

I might be a poly drop out... I believe i will be more successful than anyone of u can imagine. ( Ok... just think of me as a road sweeper, so when i become a hawker, PhwoAH... She made it!) Kiddin. I've no more energy to blog or to defend myself from all the shit... Let my actions speaks it all from now. Trust me, only time will tell u that I'd changed. ( one way or another ) Love y'all.

~Ugly Singaporeans~

2005-06-18T12:02:00.000+08:00

~Ugly Singaporeans~

I dread taking MRT to work everyday, why? I see loads of ugly people! Not on the outside, but inside of them. I finally realise why Singaporeans can never succeed in anything, ugly people can't survive anywhere. I might be one way or another ugly, but at least i know where my fault lies and get them fix as soon as possible.

I realise most SIngaporean butts are huge and heavy. Can't you for goodness stand inside the train? Will it kill you? Why must everyone practically snatch the next available seats on the train? WHY? It not only happened to me today but many times a week, I was, apparently standing infront of a woman who's about to leave her seats ( I din delibrately stand there, i just got lucky), when she got up, naturally the one nearest to her (that's me!) gets the seat, then all of a sudden, this Fucking auntie dashed out from nowhere and plonk her butt right on that empty seat and straight away pretend to be asleep! OUTRAGEOUS! *she din even realise that she had pushed me so fucking hard that i almost fell* Everyone stared at her but she's dead to the world, she just fucking slept all the way! When "Somerset" came, her eyes suddenly popped open and she (as usual "USG" which means, Ugly SIngaporeans, will do... dashed out of the train as well. HOW RUDE AND CRUDE!!! It dun just happen to me, it seems like when there's a vacant seat, the one closest to it might not be always the ones who get the seat, some butts are just so much heavier that they have to find a place to rest that fat ass.

I'm just so sick and tired of living here, I wanna break free!!! Ok... I'm just too lazy to blog some more, so i'm gonna run. Ciao.
FOr the record, I either stand on the train... or i get lucky, even if i get lucky, then i see a pregnant woman, elderly or kids, i'm more than willing to stand. What's wrong with our society?

~Totally Cleaned~

2005-06-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

~Totally Cleaned~

U know, I've been having a bad diarrhoea since like last month, it's always, eat-shit straight. Nothing stays in, and yesh... i lost 2 kg, no thanks to that. I mean I'm happy that i lose weight, but am not realli keen about my burning ass! It hurts alot to go and shit every 3-4 hours!!! And if the shit dun come out, it will come out the other way, from my mouth. I would like to call this sickness a severe case of food poisoning but no, it's not that severe that I'm running high fever and all! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? (NO... I'm not taking any laxatives ok?!) My colleage told me that i might get stomach cancer, or maybe intestine cancer.... SHIT... She's scary the hell outta me!!! My sex life has deterioate cuz of my "sickness". I lost all my "mojo" to u know... No mood at all cuz my stomach is grinding all the time. Yesterday went to see the 2nd doctor already, if this doesn't stop... Tat's it. I'm dead.

Hardly been blogging lately cuz first, I'm too lazy, 2nd, I'm still too fucking lazy, 3rd, I'm still so god damn fucking lazy! Argh! I'll continue to blog again later.... Huiting ask me to go lunch already. hahaha... Ok... I'm back from lunch super fast, cuz today lack of staff. I'm being paid peanuts for such a multi-tasking job lor! I tell u, some of the things i know how to do, some seniors might not know lor... Haiz! I wanna go study, i'm very keen about going studying, i dun wanna stuck here for the rest of my life! Mrs Chua, Sack me please! (ok... I'm kiddin.) I'm facing a damn dilemma, i hate dilemma cuz i'm the type who likes to make decision fast! Like ling had said, i'm too Impulsive, hey girl flen, call that straight forward? nicer... I dun like to beat ard the bush! Right now, I'm totally beating ard the bush! Beating and beating and beating... still dun have the courage to tell Mrs Chua i wanna quit and find a job with higher pay. I'm not bond to this company, i shudn't be, i'm no longer part of TP. Not even abit! I dun even long to go back to that mother fucking school! they sack me for alll the wrong reasons! Blame their stupid councillor can?! so many office lady walk here and there, here and there outside my office. Some of them are so well dressed, some of them are .... like me. Either no money to buy nice office wear... or, Too lazy, can't be bothered. I'm a lil bit of both. More to the first one tho. No money, that's why can't be bothered at all.

My eyes are so totally closing now, how?! I'm so tired... Duh! I ate so much fruits... not as if i'm having constipation but fruits are so irrisistable, i love fruits, esp Mango, just had half a mongo. i eat almost all kinds of fruits, rambutan, Lychee, Guava, Orange, red/green apple (faves), green/purple grapes, watermelon (one of my faves), banana, papaya, ROck melon, STRAWBERRY (FAVOURITE!!!), Jambu... the list goes on and on and on.... hahaha! I'm a fruit lover. That's all my skin is still in quite a good condition even tho i dun eat veggie and i eat alot of spicy food!!!

A customer just walked in and asked about the tour to Switzerland, duh... I dunno what to say cuz of the guy is knda cute. haha... I get all nervous when i see cute guys, what's wrong with me?! Lately, there's just too many cute guys coming in, and i dunno why! hahaha.. Maybe holiday... maybe. haha... i'm such a lousy sales person! Haha... Anyway, it's ok, i dun aim to be some top sales person as well. i just wished that i'll be sacked. hahaha! Ok... I'm kiddin again. No matter what, a promise is a promise right? i will do my best for Mrs chua until 29 Oct... I try lah... haha.

So many weird customer, I'm falling asleep just looking at them, RICH SO WHAT?! BIG FUCK?! EXTEND SO WAT? BIG FUCK?! All you rich Fucking dick head listen up! "SO WHAT IF UR RICH!? DOES THAT MAKE UR DICK BIGGER? NO! DOES THAT MAKE U MORE HANDSOME? NO! DOES THAT MAKE UP TALLER THAN OTHERS? NO! UR EVEN SHORTER THAN I AM! U ARE NO BETTer thAN A DICK HEAD U GEDDIT DICKHEAD?!

sorry that my mood changes within one blog cuz it took me about 4 hours to complete this freakin blog... i started at 12, now's already 3 plus... haha! I just hate all these rich fucks lah! So damn irritatinG! ARGH! Call me a bitch cuz i just am gonna blardy speak what's on my freakin mind! Margaret is so poor thing... get such stupid customer... I'm sorry margaret, but i can't help it...he's too irritaing already! If he wans to go to egypt earlier, ask him go charter a flight on his own lah! STUPID! As if we dun wanna help him book tics, THERE IS NO MORE TICS!!!! Ok lah, i better stop blogging or else... I'm so totally smashing this comp! haha....

~ Rayna.Reyanne.Rayliah~

2005-06-10T13:04:00.000+08:00

~Rayna.Reyanne.Rayliah~

How wonderful if i have 3 beautiful daughters with 3 beautiful names. Haha... I'm thinking too much.

They haven't call me!!! I dun think they'll ever call... I'm so sad! But i'll live. Life still goes on right? U know what i'm gonna do? I'm gonna go back to school. Yesh. Marcleay College in Sydney. I had checked out some of their courses, Diploma in Advertising! haha... Wow! Sent them my qualifications and all that shit... n I qualify! They are sending me the application package by mail, hopefully i will get it by early next week. The lesson will commence next year January, it's good lah, at least i can work and save up some allowance first. Ha... I had told u guys i have my future all planned out, no longer a depressionist i guess, I kept planning for the best, for my own future. It's either that ******* Call me, or i'll go Marcleay College, and if under some circumstances, it failed, i will try tourism college in Australia, and if it fail again, I will then... kill myself. SEE! I have it all planned out! Who says a depression patient can't plan their future and all they think about is dying... no no no... Dying is my last option. God can't be tat cruel to me u know?... I'm not the nicest person on earth, but i do have a genuinely kind heart. REALLY! *whatever* Rolls her eyes, fine, think what you want then.

Ok... The chalet was great! hahaha... Spending some quality time with my mum makes me happy, makes her happier... Haha! Too bad ma i can't stay over, and too bad we din take loads of pictures. Here are some really cute pics that i took at the chalet...

me n baby raecious

2005-06-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

me n baby raecious
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

My little niece, Raecious Lau Li Xuan. So Cute rite? She's only about 8-9 months old.. she weighs 9.5kg!!! GOSH!!! Hahaha... I carry until my hand wanna break le, but i dun wanna let go, she's so adorable!!! Can i have one of this please?

She looks delicious!

2005-06-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

She looks delicious!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Slurp! Dun you think my niece Raecious looks Delicious? The name rhymes!!! hahaha... DUn blame me if i eat her Big big Ba Bao.

let me bite it!

2005-06-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

let me bite it!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

She's delicious, trust me, smells good too!

3 Northern Beauties in the East

2005-06-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

3 Northern Beauties in the East
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Me.Corin.Yvonne
We love to call ourselves the "chio bu" of the family... Hahaha! Shamelessly funny ain't it? We fight For barbie dolls clothes, we quarrel cuz we feel that our parents are bias, we cry when my grandma died or one of us gets punish, we eat macdonalds, we love n we hate each other at one point, we digust by farting our hearts out, we company each other when we're lost, we care... basically, we just grew up together and ya... that's why we all 3 r Kookoos! haha!

Parting Shot

2005-06-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

Parting Shot
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

What a great Parting shot from Downtown East chalet huh?... I'm Talented in making ugly faces cuz i just have it! hahaa...

our gorgeous legs

2005-06-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

our gorgeous legs
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Sexy eh?... My fren Renjie n Gf are the "sexy eyes" couple, not losing out cuz we are the "Gorgeous legs" couple!

Tee-Hee-Hee

2005-06-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

me acting cute
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

I have that I'm the luckiest girl on earth smirk on my face! haha! *slap me*
Hmmm... I did not realise i was so fair until i see this pic. My skin is so totally flawless! I love mY camera! Such great effects!

xinfu xinfu xinfu!

2005-06-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

xinfu xinfu xinfu!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

I really can't explain why i love this picture so much. I'm gonna go to the print shop... and ask them to print it to the largest size they can, frame it, and put it in my room for all to see.

Kiss Kiss

2005-06-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

Kiss Kiss
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

He just can't keep his lips off my face. *grins* At ferry terminal before going for our dinner at BK. N after that... off to home we go, a very tiring but happy day.

2005-06-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

Our Trip to sentosa

I know it's a few weeks back... Just wanna share same photos that i think I like very much. haha... It's like the first time we went to the beach together. Dun laugh... It's true! We went b4... but last time it was either at night or with a bunch of frens. Now it's in the day and just the two of us... We both had a wonderful day. Hope baby will remember me this way forever, the sweet n loving side of me... n not the "selfish" and bitchy side. I will change. For u.

2005-06-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

~I'm a Alexithymics~

I build up emotions, I'm not someone who will cry over things like losing a "best" friend... Ok... What's the hell does Alexithymics means right?

I bought a book, "Emotional Intelligence" By Daniel Goleman in Changi airport before i head for Thailand. The book is intriguely interesting... I just can't stop reading it. Well, ok... Main point here is, i came across this term, "Alexithymics" and it was then i realise what kinda sickness I'm suffering from, I'm suffering from Alexithymia. This sickness happens when something happen to one person who was borned with a strong nature. If you think I'm not strong... I broke my arms, i din cry, I just merely fainted. I lost my 10 long years best friend, i did not cry... I was just upset. This sickness causes someone to cry, yes... But only things that hurt them badly and when they starts to cry, they can't stop.
Here, I'll qoute the paragraph from the book.

" Alexithymics rarely cry, for example, but if they do their tears are copious. Still, they are bewildered if asked what the tears are all about. One patient with alexthymia was so upset after seeing a movie about a woman with eight children who was dying of cancer that she cried herself to sleep. When her therapist suggested that perhaps she was upset becuz the movie reminded her of her own mother, who was in actuality dying of cancer, the woman sat there emotionless, bewildered and silent."

I guess we all learn new things everyday, I'm still not too sure if I'm really suffering from this sickness, gotta have myself check. I only know that sometimes when i watch some movies, particularly A walk to remember n moulin Rouge, I cry myself to sleep... n sometimes, refuse to even talk to anyone.. Get really upset and throw tempers. So guys, dun you dare think that bringing me to such a tragic romance movie will move me, you are courting ur own death! Haha... Poor Guoan, I'm really sorry to take it out on you each time i insist on watching the movies again and again. I'm not only a alexithymic, I'm a sadist as well, I find joy in other people's pain. Haha... ok.. not really. :X

DO you guys sometimes have this ache in your heart that you really dunno where it came from? It just hurts so much that you just wanna grab hold of you heart and squeeze it. But why is that? It's not that I'd lost a million dollars... It just all of a sudden, i can be pooing halfway when the pain acts up, or shopping happily n all of a sudden my heart aches and i just feel like crying. What's wrong with me? I'm not crazy... I'm just a lil unwell. (sounds familiar eh?)

It's not that I'm hard to comprehand, There's just too many side of me for you to get to know one shot. The way i behave depends on who i'm with and what we are doing. WIth my parents, I'm the lamest and lazist person on earth, but I'm also very filial, ask them ok if you need verification. I tell my mum lame jokes just to see her lovely smiles spread generously across her face, I buy my dad his favourite prunes when my mum told me he likes it, I write them "Love letters" cuz i'm a bit more stingy with my oral expression of love and I work and try not to take a single penny from them, i failed terribly tho. To my friends, I'm like this "gang-ho" person who dun give shit about her parents, who likes to party non stop, smoke and just have fun. To my guy, I'm this "sassy", stubborn, crybaby, demanding yet loving, caring and humourous person... i love to make my baby laugh... i can't help but have that smirk on my face each time i manage to crack something funny to make him laugh. Being my boyfriend is tough... He's got to be real understanding of my different personality, my flirtatious nature, my high *** drive and me being a feminista. Ok... I do "sa jiao" or what they say, "act cute" to get things my way... But I still feel that it is the right of every woman to do that! Not that i do that all the time, I always go...

Me: dear, i like this top, can buy for me." In a very stern tone
He: cannot lah.. broke already. Buy urself lor...
Me: YOu dun love me right?! Forget it lor! Dun buy dun buy lor! i can buy myself! Hrmph..
He: Wah.... Like that angry already ah..
Me: Angry lah... But if you dun wanna buy, dun buy lor... never force u... *mumbles under my breath*
He: What you saying? Speak louder lah...
Me: You wan me to speal louder one ah... A GUY WHO CLAIMS THAT HE LOVES ME SO MUCH DUN WANNA BUY ME A TOP THAT I LOVE SO MUCH, SO DOES IT MEANS HE DUN LOVE ME?
He: Ok lah ok lah...U win u win... Buy for u lah.

*Victory smiles*

Girls, dun try this on ur bf... It works differently for different types of guys.

Hahaha! Well, there are times when i sa jiao also what... But i find it really digusting, sucha tall big thing doing what only a girl who's 1.70 and below n weighs less than 45Kg does.... Haha... But here goes...

Me: Darling... This top... Very nice... Hor?... (In the most gentle tone u'd ever hear from me)
He: Hmmm... Ya lor, why lei, you like huh?...
Me: Ya lor... But i no money lei... how?...
He: No money then dun buy liao lor...
Me: Huh... But i ... aiya... nevermind lah.
He: what nevermind, say lah... finish what u started.
Me: I say nevermind liao lor... forget it lah... not important.. let's go.

(At this point of time, there will be two different scenario, the first one will be...)

He: Ok lor... Let's go...
Me: Huuuuh... u no good one. Hmmmrph.
He: Aiyo my princess... what you want, you say go one mah...
Me: Ok lor fine lor... let's go... *Give a teary doe eye look and make a tiny frown*
He: why look so sad... Ok lah, if you really like it, then let's go back and get it lor... ok? Dun be sad lah ya?
Me: hehehee... Dear.. you're the best!

Scenario Dua

He: Cannot nevermind, tell me what u wanted to say just now...
Me: Ok lor... I just wan to say, i hardly see things that i love so much... but i really do love that top alot... Tat's what i wanted to say, so let's go now.
He: hmmm.. u really like it?
Me: uh huh... *gives him that teary doe eye look with a cute lil smile*
He: Ok lah.. see u so cute, buy for you lah.

Victory again! Hahaha! Ahem, not that I always use it... Maybe just once or twice, i dun like to sa jiao. N if you read the blog by Xiaxue ( the best blog in Singapore) , I do agree with her that that "doe eye" look always helps when u wanna "sa jiao" But I even power, I give the "teary Doe eye" look. Dun get me wrong, I AM like a feminist,just one who always abuse her power to get things her way! Cuz I'm always right. haha... To all girls reading this, dun try this at the mall. Unless u're at least 1 year into the relationship. Cuz... the consequence of doing this dangerous stunts might cause you some damage.

1. He thinks you're too whiny and decide to use this reason to dump you.

2. He just happens to be really broke and thinks that you're a gold digger.

3. He is a very stingy guy who dun intend to spend any amt of money on you at all,
he'll dump you for sure.

4. He hates girls who sa jiao, cuz it's kinda "gross"

5. It just gives him reason to dump u lah... if a guy dun really love u, this minor events might led to major lost.

And i hereby announce, I'm not liable for any losses if you really wanna try the dialouge out. Plus, The scripts may vary from one guy to another, so be proactive and spontaneous. Ahem... Ok... Dyz Bee the Up to no good guru gotta leave and be a Xiao nu ren to my guy already cuz of this blog. He's pretty upset that i'd let the whole world know that he's such a sweet guy who gives in to me ALL the time (Mind you, He still has his ego bigger than his head). Ok girls... stop being jealous and work out someting to make ur guy a " thousand wants (one), hundred smooth" guy... ( please translate to chinese urself) for non chinese reading this... Desolee cuz i simply can't find a proper translation for this chinese "chen yu"

~I decLare War!~

2005-06-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

~I DecLare War!!!~

I officially declare war on my fats! They have been invading my territory (body) for years and it's time i declare war! I'm gonna torture them, excruciate them, tire them out and burn them all! It's a tough war, It's been going on since god knows when, but I'm on the winning side! Why dun you guys congratulate me, I've broke the 60 mark... I'm Officially 59!!! WOO-HOO! All those swimming and dieting did help after all! No... I'm not gonna just put an end to this war, I'm gonna fight till the end, till the last inch of fats is being burned, I will give them no chance to reincarnate in my territory, I hope they will never able to re-live at all! Hopefullly to some girls who thinks they're too perfect to br true, and make use of their beauty to get what they want and often make nasty remarks about other girls or, girls who really need to put on some weight to look better. Anyhoos, to all fleshy girls : attention please! Fats are our common enemy, we shud never let them invade our Naturally beautiful territory and let them destroy all the lovely view! Tee-Hee-Hee!

I went for that interview today, it was so totally nerve-wrecking!!! My god, I never knew it'll be so scary! I stepped into the hotel, saw tens over girls, some were drop dead gorgeous, some were ... , others were just normal like me... I was thrilled to find out it's a group interview! I admit, I love group interview, Cuz i Know I'm good at out-shining people in this kinda situation. I was then stumped for words becuz there's this, drop DEAD, I mean Totally DROP DEAD GORGEOUS malay model in my group! GOsh... I Freaked out. Yes, i totally freaked out. I kept telling maself, "I'm the tallest, I'm the tallest!" No use... hahaha... We were asked to stand up and do an introduction of ourselves to the rest, so one by one... "hi I'm yada yada yada..." I find myself lost for words, cuz some of them are really articulate and some can't even pronounce demonstrate. When it's my turn, I stood up, and if i din remembered wrongly, here's what i said, " hi, My given name is Wee bee, but you girls can call me Mandy, Being a ___________ was my dream since i was a lil girl, I had just left school due to some reasons which i guess it's not convenient to share now. Right now, I'm working as a tour consultant, working is fun but i guess it's not really what i want, I'm the type of person who will do my best to achieve what i want. My dream of being an __________ had gave me the drive to lose all my extra weight and look better and presenatable, and i knew this is the time, I had to come for this interview. I was scared, i was unsure, I was afraid I'll humiliate myself, but i gather all my confidence, and I'm here, This is the most nerve wrecking interview i had ever been to but I'm glad I'm here, Even if i dun make it, I wun have any regrets. Thank you." Mauahaha! AFter that I had to read a passage given by them... DUH. I'm really wishing and hoping and praying I'll get this Job!!! I'm not saying what job what company yet... I'll never say, only if i get it... then i'll let you guys know. Haha! Or else later paisei! hahaha! Anyhoos, I MIA from work today, Becuz i know that Mrs Chua will never let me go for another interview if I'd told her so... Working in Universal if fun, but what i can't take it the amt of pay. The pay is reall peanuts... imagine i work like shit for 692 bucks! Haiz... I'm gonna look for a job... that pays me at least 1000 plus. I know it's a bit too much to ask, but There are bound to be a job that pays me tat. I will continue working in Universal but at the same time, look for a better job which offers a better prospect.

I'm meeting Vicki for Sashimi Salad tml! Yay! A treat! A treat! A treat for myself who work my arse off, translate endless of english Intinerary to chinese! Haha... Haiz... But come to think about how much i had left after paying my aunt and guoan... a pathetic 450... till the end of the month, settling my own transport, hp bills, meals... haiz... I'm kinda feel sick to the stomach and dun even feel like going out anymore. U get what i mean?... But sashimi salad, 7 bucks... plus service charge and all, 8 plus... haiz... Dunno lah. I'll consider first... Must save a bit already, I finally know the importance of money... Mum's right, I'll have a taste of my own medicine when i start to work and support myself. MUM, I'd already got the taste of it! I dun like it! I wanna be a kid again!

Something sweet happened last night, dear gave me a surprise, he got his driving license!!! We met up after i knock off and went Woodlands swimming complex, on our way there he's like telling me he's so excited today, I thot he meant he's excited for "ahem..." hahaha! So i just, " whatever lah... go toilet lor." So we went swim, everything was normal, i must admit his acting skills improved a whole damn lot. When we were about to jump out of the pool, 4 very irritating teens, who I think obviously are some spoilt JC kids, who happens to be in the school swim team, jumped in the pool one by one and splashed the water all over me and into my eyes! They are like flauning their swimming skills, whatever shit... 2 girls, 2 guys... they make me sick! Arrogant people like these makes me sick to the stomach! One of the girl even said," I dunno bout you guys but i can't swim when everyone is staring at me!" DUH!!! If you jump into the pool with such a big impact who wouldn't be curious of which moron did it?! Think about it girls! And seriously, you're both not close to being beautiful, so dun worry about others intention when they look at you. Anyway, I got really angry, agitated, frustrated... then i went to bathe, before i went inside the shower... dear told me, dun be angry lah... later u finish shower, i show you something that i picked up one the floor when i went BBDC to learn driving just now ok?... "must be up to no good..." ," Must be some lame antics to try to make me smile." "maybe someone wrote a complain letter to BBDC that their fees are too expensive and they decided to lower the price..." Haha.. EVerythinG! I thought of everything but I never thought that he will pull out his car license and show me his new addition of class 3 driving license!!!!!!! Haha! I was overwhelm with shock! I din believe him at first. I questioned him, force him to swear to god and all shits. haha! All along i thot his test date was 16 august... Baby... Just to let you know, I'm really happy, I'm really touched that you put in so much effort to make me happy, and I'm so proud of you!!! You did it! hehe... Let's go for late night drives and eat pratas at Jalan Kayu just like last time we did on ur bike! hehehe... Like i'd said, If i get the job i'd applied for... Let' buy a car together. :) I mean it. That is if i get that job lah ok?... haha! So u better pray for me!

I must go get some rest... and think of some reasons to give my boss tml cuz i MIA today. I felt so sorry but Mrs chua if you ever come across this, I din mean to MIa. I know if i;d told u the truth, U wouldn't given me the chance to go fight for my dream, cuz u need people in the company... I'm sorry for being selfish but everyone has the rights to achieve what they want in life dun they? And a message to everyone out there, fight for what you want! Dun be coward! Do whatever you can and within ur limits to get hold of ur own future! Fight for it, so u wun regret it in the future! Till the next blog peeps!

2005-05-29T13:00:00.000+08:00

~Since That Day...~

Strange enough, I do not miss them at all, and what's more surprising is I din even think about them till tis moment. If the truth be told, I really can't be bothered about them. I msged something like this, " Dun think I dun know that u've been bitching about me to him, i know everything, to think i trusted you, u better take care of your mouth b4 it starts to rot." She din Reply. Guilty? Maybe. But i guess people like them wouldn't feel anything. She keep saying she has no friends, ya... of cuz, this is what HE said too... "Once she get to know someone, she starts to bitch, be nice infront of them and bitch behind their back, how to have friends?" True enough, she will even bitch about her 10 long years fren, someone who she claim to be best friends... so what do you think? If u seriously think i have no conscience... what about u then? Think about it. NO need to get back to me, i wanna hear NOTHING from u guys.

Raining...!!! I hate rainy days! I hate the cold, I hate the fact that i can't get out! I wanna go swim, when i finally can go swim, it starts to rain! I think i'm getting obsess about swimming. I hope the rain will stop by evevning time. ARGH! Been really really busy at work, gosh... time really flies, Pay Day Next tuesday! Yay! Gonna give myself a treat after starving for almost a week and working so blardy hard! ARGH! Right now, I finally understand the importance of money. I know I once told someone, I wanna live a luxurious life, I have to! After slogging my ass off, I think I'll just live with what i earn. Right now... I dun wanna disclose my paycheck amt, but let me tell u what i can n cannot afford, I can't afford a car (haha! Definitely), buffet lunches and dinner (even if it's once a week), KTV ( OK, maybe once in a month), definitely can't afford to watch movie every week, can't eat 3 meals a day, and for goodness gracious, CAN'T SHOP! The Great Singapore Sale Is on and i can'T afford to shop! Maybe I'll set aside 50 bucks?... ARGH! I just feel sick that I'm working so much, but paid so little. Translating english itinerary to chinese is a hell-bound job, trust me, how Many of you know what's Ceske Budejovice is in Chinese? As tough as it gets, i guess I'd learned so much, Things I'd never known. Like, I'd always thought that Istanbul is Turkey's capita, WRONG! It's this unknown lil place with the same population as Singapore named, Ankara. Now u get it right huh? U learn new things when reading my blog! I dare to bet with u no one knows that tiny lil detail, right? Well there are many things that many wouldn't know until they travel and experience it themselves. Well, I have to pretend that I'd travel to that place before... in order to convince my customer to buy the tour isn't it? I wouldn't say work is mundane, becuz i learn new things everyday, that's one of the perks of working in Travel Agency, you learn new things everyday and you get scolded for different things everyday as well... Oh gosh, I'm turning into a work mad = workaholic, I talk about work even when blogging! DUH! Ok... No more about work!

On friday... I decided to bring my Lil sis for a movie cuz she's shown improvement in her studies, i felt so happy and proud of her, play from morning till night, never study also can improve... damn proud of my sis man! Haha! Anyway, brought her to Causeway Point to Catch Madagascar. Haha... It's a damn Hilarious show! If you need a laugh, Go watch it! SOmething really embarrassing happened, I came out from the toilet with my sis and this Indian auntie and lil boy kept going, "AUNTIE ah, got tissue stuck on ur shoe." I look down and saw a long piece of toilet roll attached to my heels! OH MY GOD!!! I was dragging it ALLLLLLLLLL the way?! SO EMBARRASSNG! After pulling out the damn toilet roll... I realise..."What did they just call me?" AUNTIE?!!!!!! AN AUNTIE CALLING ME AN AUNTIE?!!! WHAT?! Must be my pearls... I kept blaming my pearls, till now i still think it's becuz of my pearls and the way i sorta pulled my hair behind. I was wearing a pearl earring and a pearl necklace, maybe that's why... n I was bringing my sis, maybe they think she's my daughter, but HOW?! Am i getting old? DO i look that oLD??? *WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH* But i guess it's all good becuz earlier in the night, i brought my sis to Macdonalds, and this counter guy... just went, "Good evening Mdm, U sure look dazzling tonight." I was like looking at the menu and there he went... i just say a shy thank you and turn red! Hahaa... SO nice of him, it's people like him that makes the world a more beautiful place to be but then again, that's the difference when u weigh 59 rather than 78! Last time, all the counter staff dun even wanna serve me at all, they must be thinking, " so fat already still eat macdonalds... dun wanna serve her lah!" Haha... Anyway, HE's such a sweet talker, damn his gf... He must be always serenading her with words like this. AFter i told GUoan, he's like... " oh ... ok." (-_-)" What the hell, Please, lesser of those Indian aunties who calls a girl, listen, a GIRL who's half her age AUNTIE and more of those macdonalds counter staffs! Hahaa... The fact that I'm wearing office wear, no make up, loads of pearls and looking damn tired DOES NOT MAKE ME AN AUNTIE OK AUNTIE!? I get so angry when people start calling me auntie... They do not know HOW MUCH hard work and diet i put in, in order not to look lke AN AUNTIE! The stupid dearie go say, "No lah... You are one gorgeous Auntie." WHAT THE FUCK! I Hereby announce, NO ONE and i seriously MEAN NO ONE CAN CALL ME AUNTIE! Maybe 20 down the road but NOT NOW! ANd if some parents happen to stumble upon my blog... tell ur kid, be sure whether that person is an auntie, or jie jie or ka ka... before addressing them. COme to think about it... Kids... They call everyone auntie. But IT'S that AUNTIE that I'm MAD WITH! SHE HAS NO RIGHTS TO CALL ME THAT! ARGH! Girls, you will know how i feel when someone twice ur age calls u an auntie in a very auntie tone, like " auntie ah... got tissue stuck in ur shoe."

I think I'd bitch quite enough... Finally send my resume to this company that i really wanna work for, hope to get my reply soon, once i get that job, i will let u know which company is it, if announce now, later can't get, damn paisei ah... hahaa! RIght now, I'm just gonna go and pray that the rain will stop so that i can continue with my Original SUnday plan. Bless u all!

~ I'm a Drama Queen ~

2005-05-20T09:41:00.000+08:00

~ I'm a Drama Queen ~

Have you guys ever heard of this chinese poetry that goes... 床前明月光。。。。。。低頭思故鄉。 Haha... Ok, I'm asking this cuz this is the only chinese poetry that i Know of! Duh! I'm working in such a "Chinese Oriented" place, can you imagine the shock on my face when my boss as me to translate an english itinerary to CHINESE?! 華語！！！ U must be curious why am i flaunting my chinese now, cuz only in my office, i can use the Chinese star, my house dun have!!! Ya... I'm eating snake now. Hehe...
I think in a few months time, after many translation of english itinerary, my chinese will improve tremandously! Haha...

Oh wassup with my title rite? Someone told me I'm too much of a Drama Queen and i often decieve myself that my life is so damn interesting when in fact they are a pack of lies. Ok... I would like to Clarify one thing now, and i'm gonna say this one last time... I WAS BORNED THIS WAY! If you can't stand my way of life, things that happen to me, buzz off! I dun need friends like you to judge me. I can't help it when i fall sick on the 2nd day of my new job and get an MC, then fall sick again 2 weeks later. I also can't help it when i get kicked out of school for something that i suppose wasn't my fault! I can't help it but to feel so happy right now becuz I am a God mum and I know I'm in love with My god son Fabregas. I can't help me when i suffer from a series of illness like appendicitis, liver infection, broken arm, re-acurring sore eyes symdrone (Look at cute guys too much already!), being both sick and accident prone is NOT SOMETHING that i want! I too, can;t help it when the people dearest to me, grandma, Joshua and Lorian all pass away so early. So if u can't accept the fact that I am like that with shit like this happening, dun even bother talking to me anymore, cuz this will continue... Maybe my previous life was such a bore that god decided to give me a much more interesting life this time ard. I'm not saying that i'm loving this kinda life, I'm not hating it either, i have to accept it cuz i know there's nothing I can do to change it... It's my life.

Ok now.. better simmer down and get to work. N u know who u r, when ur life is boring, it doesn't mean that someone else can't be interesting and full of ups and downs... ok? Plus, i dun need u in my life. So F*** oFF! I dun wan anything that has got to do with u, cuz i'm hurt by ur comment. Fucking hurt. U shud know me well enough but u dun, to come up with such a comment will only prove that u are a vinegar pot! FUll of jealousy!

2005-05-13T18:24:00.000+08:00

~Friday the 13th~

It's a day for total bad luck, just recieve my reply letter from the registrar, 2nd appeal, 2nd disapproval. Disappointed with myself. I was truly hoping for a second chance... guess TP's just another shallow hole. My depression is not a reason not to let me back to school!!! Even My company din mind it cuz they know it's curable! FUCK TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC! I hope some Iraqis will just start to bomb that blardy school! I know i might get sued for this kinda content in my blog but i dun fucking care cuz i'm just TOO FREAKING PISSED! Thank goodness my cousins and friends din get into hospi and tourism mgt! I must admit it's a good course but c'mon, all the lecturers are just a bunch of fakers! They just seem to care on the outside, even the TP councillor is an ASSHOLE! She told me to defer my papers! SHE WAS THE FUCKING WOMAN WHO ASK ME TO DEFER!!!!!! I wanted to attempt the papers but she insisted that i defer cuz i'm "not in the right state of mind to attempt the papers." Maybe if i had attempt the papers i would have passed and continue my stupid education! I WILL MURDER THAT STUPID BELINDA CHAY!!! She fucking ruin my future! SO MUCH FOR BEING A COUNCILLOR! DAMNIT! She still have the cheek to come and tell me that "sorry, i din know the school did not allow deferment." FUCK FUCK FUCK! BURN IN HELL YOU BLARDY BITCH!!!!

I'm just too pissed for words! Life's a bitch! Life's full of bitches! I'm just so fucking to SUAY to meet so many bitches who ruin my life! I WILL NOT FALL I TELL YOU! I WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ANYONE OF Y'ALL! ARGGH! *SCREAMING MY LUNGS OUT*

I really need a shoulder to cry on, I realise i'm not as strong as i thought i am. I need to shed tears. A woman's most powerful weapon are tears... But trust me, after crying, i will be even stronger. Chances of me and Guoan coming back together n be in love still is kinda high... during this separation, I miss him... He miss me as well... We're going Sentosa this sat... Just the two of us. I think we'll hold hands, we'll give each other hugs and smooches here and there. I hope we dun end up quarreling like the other time. I told him i wanted to lead a nomadic life... n his replies was kinda shocking but erm... expected.

Me: Hey, i think i will lead a nomadic kinda life, if we're back together, will you go with me?
Him: right now?
Me: of cuz not! Maybe in a year or something, after i'd earned enough.
him: Ok.
Me: (thinking) Ok? SUre not!?! *excited*
Me: you mean u wanna lead a nomadic kinda life with me? Travel everywhere, make everywhere our home, work in wherever we're at, earn enough then move on to another place? U sure?
Him: Ya... but we can't do that forever, maybe just for a few years.
Me: (thinking) Sianz... so typical of him.

Ha... Ya... he agreed, that's shocking, but he said just a few years, that's expected. Haha.. he's a family kinda man, he's got mum n bro to take care of... Haiz. Maybe he just said that to make me happy. But i'm damn serious bout it.
nothing much to blog about, oh... one last thing... I truly love Guoan, i guess all my friends could tell... I haven't been really happy recently. SOrry guys to have made u worry, this is the decision that i'd made. If he ask, I will go back to him. If he dun, too bad, i've got a big ego. My ego is bigger than my heart! I'm a leo people! I dun care if we quarrel all the time already... It's nothing, it's better than have no one to argue with. I will cut down on my clubbing activities n spend more time with him. I mean it... sorry Ling. My bf ain't a DJ... can't afford to club and nt worry about losing my guy. I'm gonna be fat. Work at office, hardly club... Duh.. haha! ex poly mates, see me in 3 months time, i'll be like missy elliot, see me in half a years time, i will be like Queen Latifah, See me in two years time, I'll be like MOSES LIM!!! Haha... Self entertaining! Hope u guys are entertained! Ciao!

2005-05-11T18:48:00.000+08:00

~ The Funny Thing Is ... ~

Ling n Jas are going to BKK tml... Have fun girls!!! Shop more! keke! How i wish i can join You guys but too bad ah. Ok... I'm totally having a mental block now, there's so many things i wanna share but everything just seems to be lost in my mind right now! Been living like a zombie for the past few days, except for the fact that I'm real happy that I'd made my first booking for a 10 days Egypt Tour Package for a real customer! No more imaginary customer & imaginary bookinG! So having clinching a deal, does it mean i will get comission? Hahaha! Ooh... Money money money! Ok... Now, the funny thing is, I'm not exactly a very money-minded person, why do i keep talking about it then? Simple, money brings me everywhere that i wanna go. The only motive of me wanting more money is just to get of out this stupid hell hole call Singapore.

I wanna lead a nomadic life, always travelling, work everywhere in the world. I know it might sound more than naive, this is my dream. Ever since i was young, people kept asking me what do i wanna be when i grow up. I had given answers like, Doctor, Policewoman, Lawyer, teacher, nurse... everything but never would i thought that my dream occupation is so much further away from what i thought i wanna be when i was young. I wanna be an Air Stewardess. Well, not that it is that important for me to become one but at least get a job that requires me to travel ALL THE FREAKIN TIME! hahaha! My passion for travelling grows with me... The older i become, the moe passionate and curious i am about travelling to different parts of the world. I wanna see all the wonders before i turn 30. i wanna have friends all over the globe. Till now, I'd only had friends in Finland, Texas USA, Kuala Lumpur and Australia, It's not enough! I wanna have Friends in Zimbabwe, Egypt, Dubai, Mauritius and so mch more! I'm going travel crazy! I'd plan to go to Finland to Celebrate Christmas with Maria and Outi, I cud stay over at their place... How nice of them. Haha... I hope i can have a White christmas this year... I'll work hard for it, Commissions and more Commissions!!! (Cuz there's nothing i can do about my pathetic 700 bucks pay!!!)

Having all tat said, my desire to shop has drop ever since i came back from Bangkok, I just feel that everything here is so damn expensive! hahaa... ANywhos... I dun really wanna shop that much becuz i wanna save up to traveL! hehe... I'm also gonna cut down on clubbing, smoking and karaoking! No life... ya, but my life is about travelling! I'll do anything for that! SO... Do be nice to me while u can, cuz the next thing u know, I'm outta here! I just felt that there's nothing here for me to hold on to, well I'm doing some research now, thinking of joining this course to train me into an english teacher, so i can go all over the world, to teach those kids who do not know english... and of cuz... Mauritius, to check if they need workers there... I'll fly there the next minute i tell u.

2005-05-08T18:52:00.000+08:00

~I'M a Mum!!!~

Ok... God Mum... My Darling Landy had just gave birth to a healthy and gorgeous in 18 years time boy! Hehehe! I'm so freakin Happy! Can't believe I'm a "mum" so young! Hehe... I'll dote on him so much, trust me! I have this thing for babies. I mean, I love to pamper people that i love. Tho i still have no idea what's that cute lil thing's name, i know I'm gonna shower him with all the love i have! He's my God-son for goodness sake! haha! I'll bring him travelling, buy him toys, teach him how to be a gentleman, teach him how to be a total ladies man.. hehe! He's gonna grow up a very successful Man. Hehe... I loVe him to bits! Wanted to go visit Landy just now but it was raining and i have totally no idea how to get to Thomson Medical Centre. And ya... I have no money to take cab there. I'm only left with 30 bucks till the 15th May. Duh! How pathetic!

Recently, there's just so many things going thru my mind. Shud I or shud i Not appeal for reinstatement? I'm so scared that if i appeal, appeal approved, I'll have to work doubly hard, i mean... Studying had never been my thing. I'm lost... seriously Lost. I just can't seems to find out what i want. Met up with Guoan today... He sorta like ask me to go back to school, appeal.. blah blah blah... i was like, " the bottom line is, you're saying qualification is important lah!?" I was rude but i was upset. Real Upset. I'm broke, I'm tired, and i'm heartbroken... the last thing i need is someone to keep nagging at me to ask me to hurry up decide what to do in life! It's my life! I DECIDE WHAT I DO!

I've never been a firm person, I'm fickle-minded. Yesh... The one thing that i'm Firm about, had sorta like "gone". I'm pretty upset. Drank and got pretty high n erm... drunk for awhile at black last night, after i sober up, i realise how stupid am i to think that drinking can dissolve all kinds of unhappiness. It dun... It makes thing worst. It makes me feel uncomfortable all over. WHat can i say? I'm a "drama Queen". My life's a total drama. The funny thing is, I thot it was only normal until a fren says my life is so interesting, so dramatic. Yeah... Maybe hers is just boring. If i were to write a book, i'll name it, " The confession of an "expired teen" drama Queen". How lame. sometimes i wish i was a bit more normal, then maybe that someone wouldn't go breaking my heart... Guess i have to find a broadway actor as my husband in the future then.

I guess right now, i have to take some time to think about what i wanna do... appeal, or not appeal... Oh... to all mothers, god mothers and all... HAppy Mother's Day!

2005-05-04T18:44:00.000+08:00

~ Au Revior To TP ~

Hey all my TP peeps... I'm officially out of Tp. Yup. I'd like to say tat i quit, sounds better than got "removed" rite? But yeah... I got Removed from the course because of the *&@*^@*^*!^9 Applied Research that i can't seems to pass! It's all good, I'm feeling rather upset, not that i dun already feel upset over other stuffs... I'm good. I'm at a point of life when someone actually walk me up all the way to the Mount Everest, n right at the peak, left me alone. Ya... I'm Lost. I need to breathe. The bangkok trip helps me relieve some tension by doing some retail therapy, but it doesn't help when i get the credit card bill. ARGH! WHat can i say? I should feel happy now that I'm outta that hell hole, but i guess i'm falling into a deeper hole, a hell that is even worst that hell itself. I'm hellish. I'm a disaster.

Working in Universal is fun... Tiring but it's refreshing. ha... I realise i like working, I'm a workaholic, i love working. I always stay back after work for extra free labour, why? to learn new stuffs lah! Mrs Chua was really nice, i told her about my situation and she said, " Seriously Mandy, It wouldn't matter to us whether u belong to TP or whether u have a diploma of not. You're You. We would like to ask you to stay on with us." Nice right? Awwwwwwwwwwww...... Maybe it's cause of that, I'm not feeling that bad. Haha...
I just realise tat i haven't been blogging for quite some time. Ha... I have no mood to. My blog has been dead for as long as i'd been, but now i'm getting back to live. Who says that reincarnation can only happen after death, I'm reincarnating right now, a new life for me. Tho with the same name and identity, a new life. I'm a working adult now. I pay tax. Ha... I can buy a house in like ... Soon. I WILL move out soon! I will lead a life of a independent woman! Did i mention i bought myself a half carat diamond and pink ruby ring?... hahaha! Talking about pampering myself eh?... Tho it's half carat... the thrill of all these is actually buying from the smallest to the biggest rite?... So u will feel the sense of achievement. And listen... I buy that Bloody RING MYSELF!My Own HARD EARNED CASH! So next time u see me with that ring, Dun ask, " U bf buy you one ah?" or " Wah... U married ah?" FIrst... I'm not even close to being a married woman! Oh... maybe ya.. Married to my work n myself! Hee... Right now, it's just gonna be Me, Myself and I! I love it... I love it... I love it!!!!!

I guess that's all for today... i gotta go eat dinner, relax myself and go sleep so i'll be more awake at work tml. Hehe.. I wanna be the best Sales person! Hahaha! Selling packages are so much fun! Seeing people happily going for holiday gives me a great sense of achievement... haha... Gotta go! Bye all TP peeps, I'll miss u guys! We'll go clubbing some time ya?! Love ya all.. I mean nOt all... But ya... Generally. Hahaa.. U guys know who you are. Wait till i'm officially outta TP, given letter and all.. i will reveal my hate list! hahaha.. The very CB n bitchy me is coming out! Watch ouT!

2005-04-27T20:06:00.000+08:00

~ I'm not Use to It ~

I miss my dearie... I'm seriously missing him. No... I can't miss him, I can't go back to him and ruin his future. He's got a great future ahead. He's right about me being selfish. I din wan him to study, cuz it will take him so long before he's ready to marry me and we are already together for so long. I dun wanna be with him for 10 years then get married... It's too long. Plus, We have total different interest n characters. They say opposite attracts... But they din say opposite stays. U get what i mean. U will feel the attraction becuz it's something different. He told my he loves me cuz i bring "fun" to his life... But I can't be the one who's always bringing the "fun". I wan my guy to make me laugh... I can't miss him, we will suffer later on in life if we continue. I love him too much and i wan him to find a better girl. He deserves a better girl. Me? I deserve to be pushed to hell n burn in flaming fire!

I'm a bad influence as well, he never smokes, he's a good boy... Now he smokes. What a lousy girlfriend I am. I dunno what am i feeling. I have to put up a strong front cuz he girls all thinks that this is just another tiny breakup we have. They really have no idea of how serious it is this time ard. This is a point of no return. N i'm putting up a strong front to cover my sadness. I feel like crying the whole, i felt crying when i was in the lecture hall, i felt like crying in the class room session, i felt like crying during lunching with them cuz seeing Edwin n Huiting, Jasmine n Ah qi... Tho they r not intimate, at least they are still together. I felt like crying when i was on 291 n 969 with Ling. What's wrong with me. What's wrong. I still love him... But I dun wanna salvage this relationship... he asked me to leave. If leaving means happiness for the both of us later on, i will suffer the heartache now. The thing is, i dun feel it coming anytime soon. I'm jaded.

ZOuking later with Jasmine n Ling... Hope it will make me feel betta... Gotta go dress up... I still dun dare to tell mum we broke up. I dun wan her to get a heart attack.

2005-04-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

~ A lifeless Soul ~

One blow after another. My Guy has officially left me. No, not for some other girls, but for me being such a selfish bitch. I can't say I din cry, and i can't say i'm not heartbroken. I'm devastated, I'm crying out loud... My heart's aching n my toe is blistered cuz i walked all the way home from admiralty. Walking relieves heartache, walking cures my depression, i wanna walk all the way from Singapore to Alaska. I couldn't get Ling... I need to talk to her... Badly, i couldn't get her. I can't cry, cuz I dun wan my parents to find out, they are stress enough already, my Dad's still running a very high fever.

I'm shocked by his words, " go now, just leave now." Baby... If u r reading this, I'm hurt. Seriously Hurt. I planned a surprise for u, i guess u never wanna know what is it cuz u dun even wanna walk me home. I am also sorry to just walk away when u ask me to, but my ego is too big to take everything. U seems nonchalant, u din seem to care. At all... U dun have a trace of sadness in ur eyes. 3 years n tat's it? " GO now, jUst leave now." ? Tat's it? I hope ur happy from now onwards since this selfish bitch who's been hindering ur great future is no longer ard. N baby, i still love u & i seriously still care. I'm not asking for a chance to be back with u, but i hope u wun ignore me totally, cuz a sudden life without u, I'm really better off nothing. My mouth has been bad i know, saying things that hurt u... But i have no evil intention, i just wan u to wake up and treat me like a real girl... guess it had the reverse effect. Who am i to blame? Please listen to "Jie Kou" By Jay Chou... If u really have to go, please remember me always Cuz i will always remember u. The good n bad times... I really love you baby. I'm sorry for what i did, I'm really sorry. WHY do u have to give up? FUCK, I'm such a irritating bitch! Fine... I'll be happy without u... I'll do just fine. I wun burn our photos cuz i do really wanna remember ya forever.

~Totally Tired...~

2005-04-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

~Totally Tired out~

I'm tired and it's official. Working is tiring... yesh, working in a hectic place like a travel agency is even more so. I told HUiting our LO is Zhang Wei, and ya... haha.. she did have the same reaction as me. ( It was expected) Haha... No no... Dun poor thing me, I'd never been lucky anyways... Good things will NEVER EVER happen to me. I'm a born jinx.

My dad is sick, real sick... First time ever in my life i'd seen him so weak. I want to show him my concern, but i never really talk to him, so i dunno where to start. My heart breaks to see my Dad so weak. I must admit tat, as i'm getting older, so are my parents. I'm so scared to lose them, i dunno what will i do if i ever lose them. Kids are ignorant, teenagers even more so... My lil sis, came to me and said happily that daddy's sick, she n mum's sleeping in my room, "yay!" Second sis's happily chatting over the phone with her friends, laughing n giggling all the way. I'm upset, yes but i don't know what to do. My dad n i were never close since i started puberty. Me... As a young lady, don't know what to do except to swallow my sadness and blog it all out. No one's there to listen to me, bf said let's talk tml cuz he's tired, friends are busy with their own life, sisters... forget it. Right now i totally appreciate the existence of Blog. Something i taken for granted, curse and swear freely, I miss my dad, i mean, i miss the time where he use to bring me to toy stores, buying me whtever i want, telling him everything that happened in school. What happen to those days? Why am i not close to him anymore? There ought to be something that i can do. Just that i really dunno what.

The last thing i need is my sisters' constantly irritating the hell outta me, sad to say, that's seriously happening now. I have no energy to yell at them, no energy to even bother about them, my ears needs rest. I need rest. I wanna work, i like working. I enjoy working today, was kinda upset when my boss say, " u girls can go home already, nothing much to do, first day some more... relax ah..." Relax? Ok... fine. Went ard Chinatown with Huiting, Saw a black tube dress that i really like. Might be buyin, but am not too sure cuz i'm officially broke. Huiting bought the weaved bag as well, black, same as mine, but smaller... so it's same as Vicki.

Maria n Outi are going back to Finland today. Yup... Maria just sms me telling me that they are already at the airport. Why din they inform me earlier so i can send them off? I dunno when will i get to see my dearest outi n Maria again. They're such lovely girls. I wanna work, earn more money so i can go over to Finland and spend a white christmas with the girls. I wanna travel the whole, i wanna see all thiings, big, small, magnificent, wonders... whatever. I wanna live life to the fullest cuz i was close to death for a couple of times, and... i realise, life is really precious. When all u can do is lie on a hospital bed, with loads of tubes, needles poking all over u... u will feel me too.

3 months plus before i say "bye bye" to my teenhood but i felt as if i had say bye bye to it since eons ago. Haha... I was never a normal teenager i guess. Never got the privilege to date as many guys as i want, never got to hang out at the mall with a bunch of "girl friends" shopping like there's no tomorrow. Never have the chance to not worry about anything. Argh... It's ok... For this 3 months plus, i'm gonna spend it like a real teenage girl! Flirt, date, shop n indulge! Alrite lah... I'm going bonkers already. Gotta go wash up and watc desperate housewife before i wave hello to my bed. Nightz people and thanks once again for taking time to "feel" me. hahaha!

2005-04-24T19:59:00.000+08:00

~ANother SHOCK!~

FUCK.FUCK.FUCK!!! MY LIASION OFFICER FOR SIP IS ZHANG WEI!!! WHy must she keep haunting me?! Like as if 2 semesters of Applied Research is nt enough?! My Goodness!!! I got a feeling I'm not gonna like Zhang wei no matter what! She's **O(!@*(&(!B^@(*E!@^!^@(*& Cheena woman who tries hard to win our liking, agree everyone? SO SUay AH!!! WHy my my company starts with the alphabet U, Shud have known the last few will kena Zhang wei Rite? I wanna appeal for Miss Grace Chia!!!! ARGH! FUCK!!! I know i'm cursing alot today but people who @&(@79127 Get Zhang Wei WIl be swearing like hell too Trust me! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute... Does this mean i have to report to her, tell her what's going on and all that, i think she dislike me lor! WAh piang! How?! What a sunday! I'm officially PISSED WITH THE WORLD! LIFe's IS a MArtHaFuckin BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMSSSSSSSSSSS*

~

2005-04-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

~I'm Freakin Pissed!!!~

I HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE WHO IS AS LAZY AS HIM!!! WE BOTH LIVE SEMBAWANG AND HE SAY HE'S TOO LAZY TO MEET ME!!! What kinda Bf is he?... We haven't exactly spent time together for like the whole week, i guess he can't be bothered. Whatever, I can't be bothered as well lah! I wanna be SINGLE!!! SINGLE N AVailable with LOADS AND LOADS OF FREEDOM! Freedom from heartbreak, freedom from crying, freedom from feeling down, freedom for everything! ARGH!!! I'M PISSED! Where is the love, that's a very good question, my answer for everyone is... There is no Love. I believe in Fairy Tales and all that jazz only until i found my "prince" then i realise how stupid am i to even love fairy tales in the first place! How ironic rite?... DUH! If life's a party, I'm currently going thru some "techno" music session, It's so irritating and frustrating!!! ARGH! Why can't I stay in an pure RnB n HipHop Club? But then again, there will also be some "not-so-nice" RnB n HipHOp music... Life's a total biatch!

Gonna start my attachment tomorrow, seriously, that's the only thing in life i look forward to now, work. Ha... Work and work and work! I'm a workaholic, a self-proclaim one. I hope working will distract me from everything, I'm too tired of being the one doing all the planning for our dates, what to do, where to go and all that, I'm just gonna focuz on my work and ignore him till He freakin do something about it! If he just can't be bothered... tat explains... by then, why shud i be bothered rite?... I've been "bothering" things for way too long, n i'm seriously tired of givin him lil surprises. THey say when true love occurs, u dun ask for anything in return, BULLSHIT! TrY BEING THE ONE WHO FUCKING DO ALL THE GIVING PART FOR 3 YEARS AND U WILL FUCKING KNOW HOW I FEEL!!! But why do i still love him? Is it still Love?... Or is it what we call use to it. ARGH! WHatever lah! BLEAH~ Work WORK WORK! Forget EVERYTHING! I'm gonna work from mon to sat, then sun go work at Jurong bird park, I'm gonna work my ass off so i'll be rich n independent! I DON'T NEED A BOYFRIEND!!!

2005-04-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

~ Party!!! ~

I'm starting my attachment at Universal on Monday, Yay! SO excited, can't wait! haha! So for this whole weekend, I'm gonna party till i go crazy! hehe! Went Black Last night, chatted with Sani n Faizal, got to know them a lil bit more... Had loads of fun yesterday and man... I got really "high" before 11! Damnit! Get "chided" by My Ling jie for not eating the whole day... But, I'm really not hungry. Ok, she made me promise her never to skip meals again, i said ok... hmmmm... I guess i gotta work hard on that one cuz with my lifestyle, it's hard not to skip meals and all you get what i mean? Sani was like asking me, "how come you so active one ah?" Haha... What can i say? I dun even know the reason why... so i just gave him a perfect answer of " How i know?!" hahaha... When i ask him back the same question, he said, " I'm a dancer what!" haha Ya... Usher Wusher, whatever. Oh, n last night, all the bartenders went up the bar n do some sexy dance. Haha... WIth their tops off! Almost got nose bleed mann... haha! Esp Alik, my Favourite bartender... Hehe.. He's so CuuuuuuuuuuuutE! N he's got a great bod as well, when he sorta like wave a "hi" to me from the bar, i almost melt. haha! Well, think i'm the only "xiao char bo who ogles at guys" no lor!! Hehe... ling's got her eye candy as well, this guy... who's a got a pretty nice arse and took off his top as well, n erm... Ya... Ling almost had a nose bleed as well! He can really shake n twist his body lor, ling was like saying," he must be really good in bed." Muaha, ya... just hope he's not a gay. CUz he seems like one. But It was HOT HOT HOT! hahaha... The guys, the bartenders... HOT! hahaha! WHere do they all come from?! hahaha! But unfortunately, I was picked up by this "not-so-hot" guy... Sad rite? Lonely, i'm Miss lonely... Lonely n ugly... haha! My hair... *sobz* It's so short, if my boobs were small, i look exactly like a man, a metrosexual one. Haha! SO tell me, who would be attracted to a girl who dun exactly look like a girl.

Had a senseless argument with my guy this morning over my clubbing "habit", guess he's starting to get pissed of with the fact that i club more than spend time with him. I just don't understand, other than clubbing what else can we Singaporeans do for fun? I admit, I'm a party-animal, I love partying, what's wrong with that? Our character n interest totally clashed n i dunno how long i can take it, I love him, ya... tat's the fact, but... whenever i think of the future, i sorta "cringe", cuz i dun see it happening. We had this kinda "talked" for god knows how many gazillion of times, but it's still not working, i hate talks, unlike other girls, i hate "the talk". It always makes me cry, I'm a cry-baby, n i cry too damn easily. Maybe my heart's already beyond mending. I expected too much from Him and I'm disappointed. I feel, he needs a girl, who like staying home, play games, watch tv and company him, that's all she does. Unlike me, Party, Slack, Smokes, Shop, flirt, etc...
I believe i will change one of these days, but i guess i haven't love him enough to change for him. I hope he dun come across my bloggie, but if he does, dear, u know all this already, we've talked about it, so dun get pissed again. RUle of the love-game is, never put in 100%, cuz when u put in 100%, the other only puts in 60%, u heart will break. I tried putting 100% into this relationship, stopped clubbing for sometime, be a good girl and stay home. But it din work out... his lifestyle is totally different from mine, i'll go crazy if i still to his.

Enough of all those unhappy stuffs. "THINK HAPPY!" He din even call me the whole day ok?! FINE... He's always like that lah, who cares anymore right? ARGH!!!
Corin coming over to my place later... and we're going out. I'm not too sure to where, but most likely town area so i can meet Ling straight after that. Hee Hee. Alrighty, gotta go... bathe n all. Haha... Au revior!

~ A walk To remember~

2005-04-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

~A Walk to Remember~

My favourite Movie, my Favourite novel, My favourite Characters and my favourite Author. Yes... For the benefit of those who haven't read or seen this classic, I will fill u in bit by bit.

Well, all i can say is This story can't be summed up in two or three sentences; it can't be packaged into something neat and simple that people would immediately understand. This story will first make u smile, then U'll cry. Landon Carter, then 17 was what people consider a rebellious teen. Jamie Sullivan, a total opposite of him. A devoted CHristian, will never be seen without her bible. The story was set in 1958, Beaufort, North Carolina, which is located on the coast near Morehead City, was a place like many other small southern towns.
Back then , the big event of the year was sponsored by a baptist church in conjunction with the local high school. EVery year they put on their christmas pageant at the Beaufort Playhouse, which was actually a play that had been written by Hegbert SUllivan, Jamie's Father and a minister for the church. He wrote this play called The CHristmas ANgel, becuz he didn't want to keep on performing that old Chrles Dickens Classic A Christmas Carol. In his mind, Scrooge was a heathen, who came to his redemption only becuz he saw ghosts, not ANgels. OK... I'll cut a long story short... Landon just broke up with his girlfriend and he desparately needs to bring someone to the Homecoming dance, he had no choice but to pick Jamie... But Jamie only agreed to go with him on one condition, " YOu have to promise me you won't fall in love with me." Landon almost choked on his lemonade cuz not falling in Love with that "nice" Church girl whom his friends all "fear" of, daughter of Hegbert, the "fornicator" and of cuz a girl who dun exactly look beautiful abit was too easy.

Some part down the story, the part where the play started. Jamie, who played the ANgel, look amazingly beautiful. Landon Fell in love with her. They started dating, started to teach each other things they never thought of. They were so in love... till one day... I'll transfer the whole part of the story here, u will feel the ache. Trust me. ( whole story is illustrate by Landon Carter)

I'll never forget that day because of how quiet she had been, and i had the funny feeling all day long that somethng important was on her mind.
I was walking her home from Cecil's Diner on the Staurday before school started up again, a day blustery with a fierce, biting wind. A nor'easter had been blowing in since the previous morning, and while we walked, we'd had to stand close to each other to stay warm. Jamie had her arm looped through mine, and we were walking slowly, even more slowly than usual, and I could tell she wasn't feeling well again. She hadn't really wanted to go with me because of the weather, but i'd asked her because of my friends. It was time, i remember thinking, that they finally knew about us. The only problem, as fate would have it, was that no-one else was at Cecil's Diner. As with many coastal communities, things were quiet on the waterfront in the middle of the winter.
She was quiet as we walked, and i knew that she was thinking of a way to tell me something. I didn't expect her to start the conversation as she did.
" People think i'm strange, don't they,' she finally siad, breaking the silence.
" Who do you mean?" i asked, even tho i knew the answer.
" People at school."
" No, they don't," I lied.
I kissed her cheek as i squeezed her arm a little tighter to me. She winced, and i could tell hat i'd hurt her somehow.
" Are you okay?" i asked, concerned.
" I'm fine," she said, regaining her composure and keeping the subject on the track.
" Will you do me a favor, though?"
"anything," i said.
" WIll you promise to tell me the truth from now on? I mean always?"
" sure," I said.
She stopped me suddenly and looked right at me. "ARe you lying to me right now?"
"No," i said defensively, wondering where this was going. " I promise that from now on, I'll always tell you the truth."
SOmehow, when i said it, i knew that I'd come to regret it.
We started walking again. As we moved down the street, I glanced at her hand, which was looped through mine, and i saw a large bruise just below her ring finger. I had no idea where it had come from, since it hadn't been there the day before. FOr a second, i thought it might have been caused by me, but then I realized that i hadn't even touched her there.
" People think i'm strange, don't they?" she asked again.
My breath was coming out in little puffs.
"Yes," I finally answered. It hurt me to say it.
"why?" she looked almost despondent.
I thought about it. "people have different reasons, " I said vaguely, doing my best not to go any further.
"But why, exactly? Is it because of my father? Or is it because i try to be nice to people?"
I didn't want anything to do with this.
" I suppose," was all i could say. I felt a little queasy.
Jamie seems disheartedned, and we walked a little farther in silence.
" Do you think i'm strange too?" she asked me.
The way she said it made me ache more than i thought it would. We were almost at her house before i stopped her and held her close to me. I kidded her, and when we pulled apart, she looked down at the ground.
I put my finger beneath her chin, lifting her head up and making her look at me again. " You're a wonderful person, Jamie. You're beautiful, you're kind, youre gentle... you're everything taht I'd liked to be. If people don't like you, or they think you're strange, then tat's their problem."
In the grayish glow of cold winter day, i could see her lower lip begin to tremble. Mine was doing the same thing, and i sudddenly realized that my heart was speeding up as well. I looked in her eyes, smiling with all the feeling i could muster, knowing that i couldn't keep the words inside any longer.
" I love you, Jamie." I said to her. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
It was the first time I'd ever said the words to another person besides a member of my immediate family. When i'd imagined saying it to someone else, i'd somehow thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. I'd never been more sure of anything.
As soon as i said the words, though, Jamie bowed her head and started to cry, leaning her body into mine. I wrapped my arms around her, wondering what was wrong. She was thin, and i realized for the first time that my arms went all the way around her. SHe'd lost weight, even in the last week and a half, and i remembered that she'd barely touched her food earlier. She kept crying into my chest for what seemed like a long time. I wasn't sure what to think, or even if she felt the same way i did. Even so, I didn't regret the words. The truth is always the truth, and i'd just promised her that would never lie again.
" Please don't say that," SHe said to me.
" Please..."
" But i do," I said, thinking she didn't believe me.
SHe began to cry even harder. " I'm sorry," she whispered to me through her ragged sobs. "I'm so, so sorry..."
My throat suddenly went dry.
" Why are you sorry?" I askd, suddenly desperate to understand what was bothering her. " Is it because of my friends and what they'll say? I don't care anymore - i really don't." I was reaching for anything, confused and, yes - scared.
It took another long moment for her to stop crying and in time, she looked up at me. She kissed me gently, almost like thebreath of a passerby on a city street, then ran her finger over my cheek.
" You can't be in love with me, Landon," She said through red and swollen eyes. " We can be friends, we can see each other... but you can't love me."
" WHy not?" I shouted hoarsely, not understanding any of this.
" Because," She finally said softly, "I'm Very sick, Landon."
The concept was so absolutely foreign that i couldn't comprehend what she was trying to say.
" SO what? you'll take a few days..."
A sad smile crossed her face, and i knew right then what she was trying to tell me. Her eyes never left mine as she finally said the words that munber my soul.
" I'm dying, Landon."

Well... It did numbed me for awhile... i guess you probably guess what happen in the end. WHat a story. I dig love stores like this cuz i know perfect love don't exist in the real world. We fantasize of ourself as character in Novel, why?... Escape. I'm an escapist in a way... I like to escape into Novels that i read, moulding my own perfect love story. At the end of the day, reality is harsh, life's a bitch, so much for a novel. Time to come back to the real world people. hope this story touched u like it had touched me.

2005-04-21T02:17:00.000+08:00

~No title~

I have nothing better to do other than blogging. Haha! Listening to Houston's I like that now, ha... My ear is so painful!!! Is it infection? Gosh... STrange enough, I'm enjoying the pain. Seriously enjoying it. Haha! Sadist huh? "i like that... I like that... "

I realise i have a talent of linking actions into songs. Hahaha... Like yesterday, Some china woman was giving me some weird stares, then i just went n sing " i see u looking at me, like i'm some kinda freak, why don't u do somethin'" haha! Estar was like... "bee... DUH!" hahaha! Ok he din exactly said that but he gave me that look. Tat's just one of the example. N Ok... Jasmine's gonna kill me for this but that time when she told me she's gonna go rebond her hair i was like... gosh... the hairdresser will go "Did u ever feel like breakin down, did u ever feel outta place... ... Welcome to my life" - by simple plan. haha... Why? YOu shud look at the amount of Jasmine's hair!!! Haha.. Rebonding it will take loads and loads and loads of patience. The hairdresser might just break down but i guess he/she din... haha... it's their profession, i'm just being a lil dramatic here.

Ok i'm going bonkers... I have nothing to look forward to except my holiday next friday. hehe... Anyone wanna sponsor me shopping allowance? Willing to do strip tease for money! hahaha... *bleah~* I bet no one would wanna see a whole piece of lard shaking. haha! *EEEwwW!!!!* Alrite lah... I better get to sleep before anything else happens. Haha... good nighT!

2005-04-20T17:18:00.000+08:00

~Researching Myself~

"THey say I'm Crazy... bUt i really dun care, Tat's my prerogative." Right... I'm feeling so much better this few days, probably after a private session with Belinda on monday. She told me whatever that is shared with her will be kept highly confidential... n ok, since it's her profession to listen to troubled people like me, ya... so i just bare my soul to her. I told her loads of things that i will never imagine telling anyone, i told her everything that is bothering me, everything that i fear and totally tell all of me. N I'm right, i'm indeed a troubled young lady. Many people might not understand what i'm going thru becuz i don't have te courage to tell the world what's going thru me, I just hope that people will understand and take me as i am. I'm not perfect, I was deeply hurt n ... whatever. Just the thought of it makes me cringe and feel like crying. I dunno how things got outta hand, right now I'm just praying for meself to become back the person that i am originally. I dun wanna put on an act 24/7. Belinda said she can help... I hope she does. My heart often aches for no reason, i guess it's the scar that was left behind that is giving me the pain. I've been trying to have fun... clubbing, going out and making people laugh. Seeing myself able to put a smile on someone's smile makes my day, it makes me happy for a while... but at the end of the day, who's left crying alone in the dark? I wanna be a happy person again, i wanna smile becuz my heart asked me to... not smile becuz my brain forced me to. I wanna have the most genuine smile on my face, if it's gonna take years, so be it... i just wanna have that. I wanna be normal. I dun wan people to avoid me like i'm some alien. I wan frens to always n constantly asking me out... I dun wanna be the one who's constantly bugging people to go out with me.

Yesterday... Estar asked me out to chill. Hehe... Yay... We went to TOwn, had pasta then went to Far east Gelare for Waffle, cuz it's half price. hehe... We sat and chill, read his proposal for Cleo birthday bash... i must admit, it's really good. Haha... I dun think I can ever think of something so creative and write sucha good report in a million years... Estar n Zan, Great job done! I wish u guys all the luck in the world! Wait a minute, no need luck lah... U guys sure get it one! SUch a "Piang" Proposal! hahaha! Okok... better stop jinxing u guys. Ok... After the Waffle, went Great World City's Zara to find Zan. Hehe... Her break time was like 5?... so we chill at Mac Cafe For about one hour. It's good to catch up, sorry guys if i look tired n keep yawning all day... It's the medication, hope y'all understand. AFter GWC, Suppose to go down to bugis with Estar for some pt time job interview, haha.. changed our mind n went to Night Safari Instead! hahaha! I left my JBP name tag at my work place locker, so Star had to "steal" his colleage's name tag, for the whole of yesterday night, i was Gabrielle. Hahaha! I have to admit, I really SCared of the dark, Walking ard in night safari gives me the creeps... and ok, star, u din manage to scare me a bit. I was too tired to have any reaction. Hahaha... I was basically "emotionless" haha! But i did ooh and aah over things lah Haha! I wasn't exactly that boring. Went Bongo Burgers to look for Mitch, he's such a cutie! haha.. will always remember his "I'm a woman trapped inside a man's body!" hahahaha! Had some bongo burgers and i must admit it's really nice! hahaha... will go back for the bongo burgers someday. Hahaha! I so god damn embarrass myself yesterday lor, was like proudly explaining to Estar that Bongo is some primate... haha.. some sorta monkey when the tram commentor explained " Bongo is a kind of Deer..." hahaha... from india i think. F***! So embarrassing lor... hahaha.. Piece of advice, DO NOT ACT SMART! hahaha... But Bongo do sound like some kinda primate right?... Whatever... haha! I had so much fun last night Star... thanks! hehehe... Sorry can't go MS for buffet dinner tonight with Zan n ya... cuz i'm not exactly feeling Hungry... haha... go there sure waste money one. Muahaha. Have fun ya guys! Have ur filL! hahaha!

Rented two VCDs, Slap her, she's french and New York Minute. Cost me 4 bucks... but hey i guess it's worth to kill my boredom. hehe.. Oh! Tonight Eye for a GUy 2. If there's a voting system, let's Vote for Ian.. hahaha! Guoan's ex campmate... He seems nice... tho not exactly drop dead gorgeous, i guess he's kinda romantic and erm... nice? He's very friendly lah... haha... I dun exactly feel that he deserve Denise Keller but hey... at least he's in that show. Haha... BTW, denise Keller isn't that gorgeous, to me, People like Cameron Diaz n NIcole Kidman describes gorgeous. For asians, I still feel that Nadya H.... hahaha... Is gorgeous! Hahaha.. Her surname too long ah! Haha! Oh btw... Support Copyright and stop piracy! hehee... Esp for Movies ah... haha! Jacob, u get me? hahaha! I do not wish the movie industry to come to an end n if everyone starts buying pirated copies... in less than 10 years, no one will be able to catch great movies on the silver screen anymore. A word from an aspiring actress... Me. Hahahaha! Spread the words ya? Stop piracy for movies! Hehe... Music downloading is ok lah.. haha! I'm such a hypocrite! Muahaha! Unless u really like the artise lah.. or else downloading music is ok. Hehehe... U wan me to buy Lindsay lohan album? I will ask u go slap urself! haha... Lindsay Loham, as much as i appreaciate her acting capabilities, her voice dun really capture me... haha! Ok... enough of blogging already, my fingers are kinda sore already. So if u would excuse me... I must go refill my bunny's water... haha... ( Mum just yelled at me to do so... well, Mum's the Boss!"

2005-04-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

~There's no way~

I have to admit that there's no way i can pass all 5 supp papers. NO WAY! I'm just gonna focus on Applied Research as that paper decides if i leave school or not. I realise it's kinda dumb to leave school now, but sometimes when i'm not myself, leaving school is my only option. I have to see someone in school tml morning at 9am. And MEIT exam's at 1430?... I dun think I'll make it... seriously.

Had loads of fun yesterday with Baby and ling... But all the while i was feeling very tired and lethargic. I hope my acting was good. Haha... mum forced me to eat my "sleeping pill" before i left home becuz she thot i was going to Baby's house straight. So no choice, i took it. When i reach Black... i was already feeling rather sleepy so i went to the toilet and make myself puke ... hoping i will puke out the medicine but i realise it's really very dumb of me. Haha... The medication has already spread thru my whole body.. haha.. It was th first time ever, i hardly dance, and i can't move to the beat. It was like i was on drugs or something. hahaha... yeah... i was. Oh... then there's this two girls.. from what i heard from Ling, they are actually coyote ugly's dancers... or whatever shit... haha... Wah piang! They dance until machiam salsa competition mann... with their guy partner. I guess they are all "PROFESSIONAL" dancers. BUt it was all right, din affect me much, but ling was kinda... awkward. hahaa! SHe din dare to dance. Weird her. Then there was a strip tease performance by the black bartenders... hahaha!... Woo... I din know some of them have really hot bods! haha! Was hoping Alik will take it off but he was only dancing and then he went off to the bar upstairs. hahaha... He's a cutie! Malays guys are cute lah... i just have this thing for malay blokes.. hehe... Esp when they have this shy grin of whatever thing going on. Hahaha...

Ok... i'm gonna listen to melissa and try studying. I believe it'll only do myself good and not anyone else. I shouldn't give up on myself... thanks everyone who actually shown concern. I hope i'll be fine... Hitting the books now!

2005-04-15T15:10:00.000+08:00

~SO long~

Life - Such a fragile thing, I almost lose mine. Not because god wanted me to join him, Cuz i'm Dying to join him. U know what i mean. In between the line of life and death, all i can feel was hurt, betrayed, self-denial, scared but amazingly peaceful. My heart had no regrets, I'd done my best, I'd shown n give the best to everyone around me. Why did they rescue me? Why was i found? Life... miraculously weird. Full of Irony. Yes... I'm a "certified" depressionist, u are not gonna enjoy what u will be reading, and I dun need anyone's sympathy. I just need a place to vent my frustration, my agitation and tell all. I attempted suicide on 9 april, but i failed cuz i was being "found" n "rescue" in time.

Stayed in the hospital, put on some drugs that clears the toxic in my body and to calm myself down. I am still suicidal, I'm still quite a pessimist about life. Why am i the way i am now? I wasn't like this, if i were to be serious, I hate myself to the core. I'm too easily influence to an extend whereby I jeopardise my studies. I was a good student, never needed any help, always on my own... What happen. Being in the hospital makes me realise some friends of better off as friends n nothing else. I care so much for them but in the end? Not even an sms of "are you ok?"

But then again, I was too much in pain and depressed to be thinking about puny matters like this. I guess i do not need so many friends after all. My mum is right. Right now the dilemma i'm facing with is whether to quit school or defer or just carry on. If i carry on, i have to study for applied research, Airline Biz and MEIT. I have to pass them, if not I'll be remove from the course. I am in no condition to study. When I start to study, i will get something like a nervous breakdown, and i'll start to cry. Don't get me wrong, i'm not a cry baby, it just comes to me like so naturally. I'm on medication to control my mood, so pls do not mess with me cuz a patient like me can kill n not be charged. WHat's really wrong with me? I wanna study, i wanna do well and make my parents proud and of cuz i dun wanna be send to IMH. Can somebody please tell me what should i do?! CUz no matter what i do, i can't please everyone! I wanna quit school, tat will make my mum n dad upset... if i dun, there might be chances of me getting another nervous breakdown, and trust me, i wouldn't just swallow pills this time round, i will dash right up to the 16th floor and jump out from the corridor.

I told u u are not gonna like what u read. I'm problematic, initial cause was from my bf... we're always quarreling, he's always doing n saying things to upset me, tat started my depression, but it was mild. As time goes by, stress from studies, stress from life and stress to change my fucking character gets me. I let myself get to myself... how sad. If u wanna know, i did scare the shit out of my bf sometimes. Things i do... words i say. Like how i killed tat guy whose name start with J in the sims. I set him on fire, let him jump into the pool and took out the ladder... he die a miserable death. Yes yes... evil people like him with such a toxic mouth shud die just that way. U can try. I'm psychotic, but i appear more than normal... watch out.

I just cut my hair... again. This time, the shortest i'd ever went. I look ugly, yes, i delibrately wanna make myself ugly. What's the point of having nice hair and look pretty? I am who i am. Oh... have I forgot to add that i was diagnosed with Eating Disorder as well? FUck that bitch who gave me that stupid label - a bullimic patient. I have enough sickness to last a lifetime and now she give me one more. It's very smart of her to ask me questions with twist n turns... n find out what illness i have, i guess i'm just dumb to get tricked by a so called psychiatrist. I'm feelin very frustrated now, cuz my councillor just called and told me there's no way she can get the doctor to write me an mc to exempt me from taking the supp papers next week, Ya... so fuck with tat," we're all here to help u, do not worry, people ard u loves u..." FUCK THAT SHIT OK?!

I still have to take applied research next week... I'd probably fail... n be "remove" from the school data entry system! SHud i just "withdraw" myself now... at least sound better rite?... Asking me to study now, is like trying to ask a pig to call me MAMA! It's ImpossiblE! BUt nevertheless, to prove tat i'm not a quitter, i will try... to study. No guranttees there will be no nervous breakdown, crying spells and suicide though. Thanks for paying attention, u must be so concern of me to finish reading till this point or u must be seriously evil to be laughing at a plight that the society has gotten me into. If it's the second one, Please... take the nearest exit and go to hell!

2005-04-09T17:38:00.000+08:00

~ Workaholic? ~

Maybe I'll be the only fool to say this but hey, I really enjoy workin. Esp at The JBP, they are just soooooo damn nice! Gosh! WOrking keeps me occupied, makes me tired, allow me to meet all different kinds of people from all walks of life. Like today, I met an NUS Lecturer, he was asking me am i an undergrad. Haha... Do I look smart to you? Orh... Plus this american family who lives in Singapore, they have such a cute baby, her name is Holly, and her blue eyes are so damn blue! haha! I can so totally get lost in her eyes. Muahaha! What the Piang... All i can say is... Interesting. Work is never a bore, it depends of how u brighten up your working day.

All right... here's some serious shit. Haha... I am starting to believe that i shouldn't take Bike. Each time i want to take bike, i will see accidents with the motorcyclist getting knock down and dies. Is that a sign? I'm torn between getting a driving license or a bike license! ARGH!

Wait a minute... the more serious shit is coming up. I FUCKING FAIL ALL OF MY BLOODY SUBJECTS!!! I have no mood to blog anymore, i just wanna quit school. I'm not the study material... really am not. I'm really tired. VEry very tired.

2005-04-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

~Questions N Answers~

Have u ever wondered why do you have hiccups sometimes? Well, maybe you already know but here's the real reason behind it.

ANS: Hiccups come from an irritation to the diaphragm (the muscle wall that separates the chest from the abdomen) or the esophagus (the "pipeline" that takes food from your mouth to your stomach). When the diaphragm or esophagus is irritated, it can spasm, causing the epiglottis (the flap that keeps food from going down the wrong pipe into your lungs) to snap shut. This is the clicking sound that accompanies hiccups.

Wah... You learn something today din u? haha... ANd i just found out something real interesting as well, My birthday happens to be MOther's Day in Thailand. Hahaha... Here's what i'd found : August -Birthday of Her Majesty the Queen Of Thailand
- Nationwide. Also marking Mother's Day in Thailand, the 12th of August see the towns and villages of the country festively decorated with lights and portraits of the Queen.

Happening ah?... haha... I was like looking ard, checking out some stuffs about bangkok, cuz i really wanna go there. Maybe i'll change my KL trip to Bangkok Trip cuz nothing has been confirmed yet. I wanna go alone. Yup... Sorry Ling n Jas... If I'm going, i wanna go alone. I wanna make this the furthest place i'd ever been to alone. Haha... Sick? No... Adventurous... Yes. Hehe... I wanna explore the world! Take loads of pictures by myself so that i can share with all of you when i'm over and done with.

Thailand is such a mystical place, reallie love it. The last time i went was with my sec sch, field trip they call it. haha... Visited the Grand Palace, i can still remember Poor Bicki can't go in cuz she was wearing a heels without a strap, in the end, she end up buying an ah pek covered shoes. Hahaha... It was fun, visited so many places, the schedule is just too damn tight. We only had 1 hour of shopping time in Mahbokroong(MBK) Where got enough?! Haha... I have to visit the Chatuchak Market, only open during weekends. Buy loads of belts and earrings! haha... n oh shoes!!! Bags!!! hahaha!! Getting so excited already. haha... Oh plus, i'd checked, they actually have Phuture there... Too bad, there's still one thing that i Don't dare to do alone, that is to club. haha.. I'll never club alone! Damn... But it's alright, I'll focus more on shoppin for this trip! Will scrimp n save like a miser from now onwards! Hahaha!

Met my Crazy ass cousin just now… oh no no… my DEAREST COUSIN. Haha… Slack with her till I met my sis to go for her parent-teacher meeting. Gosh… I was so afraid i’ll be totally bore out by the talk, so I made excuse n left after meeting her teacher. Haha… Sorry sis, can’t help me, I’m already bored enough, nothing can be worst by sitting there for one hour listening to craps that I’d listen too many times before.

Just got home, Why no one ask me out?! Even my own bf has plans! Can someone just pick up the phone, call me and ask me out? I’m so totally dying here! I’m working tml I know, it doesn’t mean I can’t go out! Argh! Estar’s meeting his fren for dinner, zan’s with Walter, Ling’s going movie with her fren that I dunno, watching Midnight somemore, no one share cab with me, Jay they all going out but dunno go where also… Haiz. My life is just so freakin bored. I can’t stay like this for long, I’ll go crazy, cuz I’m not that kinda girl who can stay home and do nothing. Alrite… here’s the deal, I’ll just stay home till 7? If no one’s gonna ask me out, I’ll go out by myself! Life of a pathetic biatch. So many friends but all are not free when u need them desperately.

I think I’ll just go to bed n sleep… I can feel my PMS coming. So better not get myself agitated. Haha… 6.50 now… I think I’ll just go out by myself lah, like as if it’s the first time. Duh!...

~It's Pure Boredom~

2005-04-08T02:08:00.000+08:00

~It's Pure Boredom~

After reading other people's bloggie, i realise my english is so lousy. No chim vocabs and whatever that is needed to make the words seems flowery.

I am bored to an extend whereby i do not know what to do anymore. I wanna go out for a spin but i don't know how to drive. I wanna just hang out somewhere, but no one to company me. Guoan's already asleep, thousands of alarms wun be able to wake him up. I'm so bored!!! I'm not working tomorrow, only be working on Saturday and Sunday. My pay will be pathetic. I'm feeling kinda down now, do not know why, not PMS, it will be at least 2 weeks before my next one comes.

I'd change a gaziilion nicks on Msn cuz i'm just too Fucking bored! Wished i was Elle Woods, rich, pretty, blonde, successful and still have a bunch of crazy fellowers ard her. Pass bills, firm in her decision... Whatever...

I had decided to take up bike lessons. I can't afford to buy a car. A pink sports bike will do fine. I know i know... I'll change my image. More Jeans from now onwards. I do not wanna cause accident by wearing short skirts or hot pants. Muahaha! *Thick-skinned*

I realised I'm having loads of mental block nowadays. Gosh... My brain's getting rusty and i'm dying. Haha... Tat's what i told my tuition kid. Muahaha! If you dun study, and u dun use ur brain, it will get rusty and u will die! haha... what kinda psychotic tutor am i? haha! No wonder her mum wanna let her go for tuition centre. WTF. 130 bucks very expensive mah? Looking forward to next wednesday cuz it's time for Zan, estar n yours truly to act tourist again. We'll be going to JBP in the noon n NIght safari at night ( DeR! How to go night safari in the day u tOOT!!!) . Haha... stupid n crazy me... too bored already what tat's why... haha! I wanna club more...!!! Dancing gives me happiness. When i dance, I dun care who's looking and who's judging, i just wanna be me and let go of whatever feelings n emotions i have inside. My major weakness in life is I have no confidence. I have no confidence to join a dance class, what if they think i'm too fat? what if i can't catch up?... I have no confidence to perform, what if they think my singing sucks, what if they think i'm ugly. I guess this is the aftermath of being bullied n teased to a stage of traumatism in Secondary school.

Jonathan said something reallie nice yesterday, " when i first saw u when ur 15, i was the better looking one, now we stand together, you are the better looking one." Thanks Jon... You are such a sweetie. He never fails to put a smile on my chubby face. I will always remember that you are the first guy who took my out on a real date despite the fact that i'm ugly as hell. Dun give up on life ok? Cuz life hasn't give up on u yet. Girls are just girls... a sweetie like u will find a sweetie soon. No worries.

I'll leave all the past behind, even if i see the "11 brothers" now... i wouldn't despise them becuz i figured out that we were all just kids back then. SOmeone has to get bullied and the sad thing is ... Me... Why me? I wouldn't blame u guys for making secondary such an ordeal for me, i will never expect them to say sorry becuz sorry is not enough to bring back my teenhood. Realli. SO i'll just let go... Hope they will feel guilty for the rest of their life becuz of their vicious mouth.

Ok.. i better stop before my blog gets to psychotic. haha... It's getting there. Chiao.

2005-04-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

~Lazy Thursday~

Tried calling Estar but he never pick up, wanted badly to go karaoke, audition's tomorrow! Damnit! I'm so chickened out. I dun think i wanna join anymore... I suck at performing, my singing is just so-so... why bother to go embarrass myself rite? But Zan n star said that they will Drag me alllll the way there if i dun. Stupid me. I'm not Joining AH! Drag me if you want!

I feel so lazy... i feel like i want to sleep forever cuz it's only when i'm sleeping he's by my side. I think of him so much that I even see him in my dreams. Man of my dreams? I guess so. I have a boyfriend. Yes... It's gonna hurt alot i he founds out that I'm liking someone else cuz he treats me like a princess. Trust me, i'm not feeling too good either, my heart aches. I know for sure that He will never have the same feelings for me, i'm just a girl in his eyes. If i were to die tomorrow, I really wanna let him know how i feel but can I? Fuck it...

Committment... what's that? Is that a word to keep people or things holding on for as long as forever? I have my committments, my committments to studies, boyfriend, family... I do nt like it at all. I wanna be able to do whatever i wanna do, like whoever i wanna like, party whenever i feel like partying, travel whenever i feel like travelling, be with whoever i wanna be with even if it's for a short term. Ever since i know the meaning of a "relationship". I told myself that I'm never gonna be in one cuz i'm too fickle-minded. But guess what? I'm in one... 3 years already some more! Don't u dare get me wrong, i do love my baby... will always do But I DO NOT LIKE THE COMMITTMENT that i have. I wanna still be able to explore the dating scene cuz i'm still young! I'm not tired of dating yet. Even if in the future nobody wans me... I'll be more than happy to stay as a fucking spinster! I said it before and i'm saying it now. ARGH! Whenever i look into baby's eye... i felt a pang of guilt just strikes me hard. How can I let someone who loves me so much endure all this shit? I want short-term happiness... becuz nothing last for long term. The happiness wears out, the sparkles vanishes, the romance dies off... I do not want that.

Started to blog at 445 now it's almost 6... haha... was talking to Zan, talk to her abit. She's right... I dun even know that person. It's just the initial stage where you get butterflies and all after wards, the feeling will go away. She enlighten me in a way. Haha... Thanks babe. I feel a lil better now after talking to you. Ok fine... I'll go for the Audition tomorrow ok?... DUh... WIll blog later!

Jasmine n me in Chinablack

2005-04-07T06:05:00.000+08:00

Jas n me in Black!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

I look so haggard don't I? Haven't been sleeping well. Haha... But i had fun at Black. Thanks Jas for accomodating Me for this wed. Hehe... Will Mambo Next week if I'm not working ya?... Love ya babe!

~ Ladies Night~

2005-04-07T05:39:00.000+08:00

~Ladies Night~

It was only ok... haha... wasn't that fun. Maybe cuz i'm tired. But the people ard me makes it fun. I'm so happy today. I do not know why ( even if i do, i'm not telling) I'm happy. So don't ask.

My stomach was practically begging for food when i reached home. Cooked Maggie Mee with Tuna, only managed to finish a quarter of it. My appetite is really getting from bad to worst. The only time when i feel like eating is one week before my menses. SO feed me whenever you can! I'm not the Ah Bui anymore! My stomach now is private limited. Not MNC already! Haha!

Daniel, yOu better start doing something about your weight brother! I'm winning the bet already! For ur information, i'm 60 now ok? haha... already lost 3 Kg since february! 2 more months... 3 more KG is not a problem for me! Muahaha! I like the feeling of feeling slim and pretty. Being fat was hell... i was so miserable. Haha... let's not talk about the past, right now, i'm secure of myself. I love myself... I feel so beautiful and so grateful that I'm still alive to enjoy the privilege of doing shopping without worrying that there wun be pretty clothes of my size.

Speaking about shoppin, haven't done that in quite awhile! I will do just that for my trip to KL soon! haha... SHOP SHOP SHOP! I am seriously thinking of going somewhere alone, like probably Bali or something but no $$$! I realise I like travelling alone. Hahaha... Planning it myself, own time own target. I'm starting to feel like i like to be alone. I'm not a loner, i still go club and hang out with frens, just that, being alone gives me the freedom to do whatever i wanna do and whenever i feel like doing. Freedom. I want More of it!

I need to swim, it's been a long time since i last swam. I shall go swim tomorrow, i mean it. Haha... Fine. If i dun, pls do forgive me cuz i'm so blardy tired. hahaha! Am not discipline at all. Haha... Alright lah... i gotta go sleeeeeeeeeeep! Damn tired already! Thank goodness got no work later on. Oh... btw, i'm getting broke, so girls, guys... wanna go clubbing, count me out please. Hahaha... sorry! Need to study for supp papers as well! I dun wanna retain!!!!

LinG n me outside Mango

2005-04-06T16:22:00.000+08:00

LinG n me outside Mango
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

We look fair as ghost but i love this picture... So pretty. Haha!

Marco n Me!

2005-04-06T16:21:00.000+08:00

Marco n Me!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

My colleage but hardly see him cuz he's situated at the Ice Cream Kiosk. Haha... Funny bloke. Bonnie n Clyde 2005 cuz We steal ice creams n eat them by ourselves! haha!

The Sane Us...

2005-04-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

sane us
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Me~Mona~Desiree
The 3 babes of erm... Flamingo Cafe. Haha! They're both from the Phillippines n they are both VERY VERY VERY nice people! hahaha... Love them so much!

Insane us

2005-04-06T16:18:00.000+08:00

insane us
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Gosh! I look so... erm... hahaha... *beyond words* in this picture! SO ugly! But hey... it's ok. It's just for laughs!

~Kabhi Aar Kahbi Paar

2005-04-06T15:48:00.000+08:00

~Can't Get enough - Kabhi aar Kahbi paar~

Heard of this song by e damn sexy Raghav? It goes like this...

Stand by here we go again
Jus you let me wait let me know again
Ain't nobody special girl I'm jus a friend
I bet you cant recall my name
I think about you everyday
24/7 girl in every way
Try to move on but what can I say
No-one else can take your place

I guess I done this when I should have done that
I tried to be smart but I want you so bad
Have you ever needed what you've never ever had
I jus cant get enough enough enough
Jus when it looks like I'm gonna get close
My lips mess up and my words don't flow
I jus cant wait till we freaking more frequently baby
Coz I cant get enough enough enough

Kabhi aar kabhi paar laaga teer nazar
Sayan ghayal kiya reh tune mora jigar
Kabhi aar kabhi paar laaga teer nazar
Sayan ghayal kiya reh tune mora jigar

Oh no I should have spoke up
See whats goin on now I'm choke up
Like I was sleeping and should have woke up
I ain't gon' let it end like this
Word of town says you broke up
You been around and keep your hopes up
I'll be around and baby know what
I'm bringing what you can't resist

I guess I done this when I should have done that
I tried to be smart but I want you so bad
Have you ever needed what you've never ever had
I jus cant get enough enough enough
Jus when it looks like I'm gonna get close
My lips mess up and my words don't flow
I jus cant wait till we freaking more frequently baby
Coz I cant get enough enough enough

Yo, come on
She pulled up in a blacked out BM
Ladies and gentlemen
Little miss thug in her baby pink timberland
Pretty plus and her scent
Mrs Dominican
Nikata baby check the ice like stella
With 5 5 brown eyes smile like Jlo
Left thigh right thigh
Tight like west coast
Hello pretty mama
Caught you from the side of my eye
Ya feet are hurting coz u running my mind
Look
A lot of guys must be dropping you lines
So
S'get to the point not to be wasting your time
I think I love you here's my number
Baby give me a call
Not the others or my brother
Now we're steady for sure

Oh mere jannaga
Oh mere dil ruba
Oh mere pas a ahh
Kai hai na janna

I guess I done this when I should have done that
I tried to be smart but I want you so bad
Have you ever needed what you've never ever had
I jus can't get enough enough enough
Jus when it looks like I'm gonna get close
My lips mess up and my words don't flow
I jus cant wait till we freaking more frequently baby
Coz I cant get enough enough enough

Nice rite? haha... I mean the lyrics... so sexy. I totally love this song! Later go black will request Ann to play this song for me. Hehe... This song is MINE!!!
I'm so bored, can't wait to get out and about in town! haha! Working is so tiring, time to loosen up myself, let go and go wild! hehee... I'm going KL on 29h April baby - by myself! No one wans to travel with me, i'll travel myself! haha... I'll shop and shop and shop and finally prove myself i'm an Independent woman! Haha... So excited, missed Jasmine so much, only Wednesday never see her then miss her already! haha... And Kailing also ah... Got bf le forget le... never call me. Kailing!!! I miSS YOU LEI!!!! Ling ah... just seen her on Friday, but kinda miss her as well! Haha... I miss so many people till i'm dying! I must go out now! I must go out now! hahaha... ok... I think what i wear today is kinda... Weird? Never tried mixing my clothes like that. Haha! Hope i won't get stares for the wrong reason! ~AU revior~

2005-04-05T19:04:00.000+08:00

~ Sometimes i Get EmotiOnal ~

Haha... he might not know... but he's making me laugh. A bad day for me but after talking to him everything seems alright. He don't have to do anything, just thinking of him and talking to him is enough to make my day. I was so happy to see him online. I'm not ready to announce who's the person whom i find it real special... n gives me butterflies... but in time you'll know. Haha... I still Love my boy... but he gives me butterflies. I hope it's just an infatuation, cuz i know it's impossible between us. Forget it bitch!

Grand dad admitted to hospital 3 am in the morning, i was alone with him, and i was so scared. Called Ling to calm myself down and she told me a lame desperate housewife joke. Haha... iT's funny tho. Thanks babe. Din make it to work today... and dun even mention about my final theory, slept thru the day and missed it. Damnit! Looks like i have to wait for another date already. Alright lah.. i'm starving already. Gotta go eat dinner. :)

2005-04-04T18:11:00.000+08:00

~Miss Hesitant~

I don't know what i am anymore. Why not let me introduce myself to you people all over again.
I'm Mandy, turning 20, I have a boyfriend but i'm a serious flirt. I can't take it anymore. I have a boyfriend who seriously loves me and I can't fucking change! Should i just go and kill myself? Yes... i think i will. Thanks for ur time anyway.

~ LiviNg in Fears~

2005-04-02T18:36:00.000+08:00

~I'm Living in Fears~

There are so much fears inhibiting in my that I think I am going crazy. For once, i realise i live in Fears. There are so many fears that i do not even know which one is my number fear. Here's the list of things/creatures/unexplainable that i'm scared of. Here goes... I fear, cockroaches, cricket, basically all kinds of animals with more than 4 legs or no legs at all! With one exception, i fear cats! I fear, ghost, dark alley, any food that has milk contain, heights, loud noises... n the list goes on. What's the point of living when I'm living in fears. One last thing, I fear that if one day... Guoan leaves me, Nobody will want me anymore. I'll grow old and die as a fucking spinster!

Loads of stuffs are going through my mind now. Like how am i gonna face Caselin ( my manage at JBP) Tomorrow when i throw aeroplane today. I wanted to go work, i was awake, ready... I had a bad case of gastric. This is what happen when u eat one meal a day and drink loads and loads of alcohol. Yesterday it was really fun at Black... I'm glad i went in the end, despite all my tiredness. Thanks for the people who make it fun. :) Ok... Back to loads of stuffs going thru my mind, i'm not sure about going for the audition, cuz... if i dun make it, it will be another setback for me. If i do... i can't join the competition due to school committments. Hiyo... i guess my dream of becoming a star will never come true in a million years. Sad as it sounds... girls who stand at 173 n weigh 60Kg will never make it as a star. I will lose weight! I will Go on diet! I will go Swimming! I will go eh... jogging? Ok fine, i'm never going jogging but i will defintely going swimming and go on diet! I MUST LOSE 5 more kg being june 21! I CAN DO IT! Trust me people! I can lose 14 kg within half a year, i can definitely lose another 5 in 2 months! ARgh! I'm going crazy to a point where i dream about me myself committing suicide. Jumping of a hotel.. forgotten which one is it but it's kinda high... Am i forcing myself to one corner? I don't know. I just wanna have fun.

Miss universe is starting soon, at 8... Jon Jonsson! Woooo... hehe... someone just told me that Julian Hee is gay! WTF! I'm so sad... I'd always think he's cute and handsome and everything i look for in a man! Gosh... Oh.. the link here is... Jon Jonsson is AMerica TV manhunt winner n Julian Hee is the SG one. In sg... out of 10 guys, 4 are bastards, 1's afraid to committ, 3 are gays, 1's an idiot and the other one is taken. Am i right girls? If only i'm a handsome man, i will shag Julian Hee upside down! Muahaha! ok.. i'm nutsy! Ok lah... gotta chiao already. Must upload pictures taken from last night! :) Will blog later!

Imsomnia

2005-04-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

Imsomnia

I think i'm Seriously suffering from insomnia. It's 4.45 in the morning and I'm blogging. Ha. Slept at 10 plus then wake up at 3 plus. Can't really sleep long. I think i'm a psycho, cuz i like the feeling of being tired. Tiredness gives me a sense of fulfilment, like i'd been busy doing loadsa stuffs. In reality, I'm not contributing much to the society. Oh... ya, i do circulate the economy flow. I buy ciggies, clubs, take cab, shop n the list goes on.

Andrea's right... i shud have went to Phuture, yes yes... BUT u guys must understand, I'm quite big-size eh, I need loads n loads of space. U get the drift? haha! The plus point about Phuture is, there's loadsa cuties n great music, the minus point is, i have to squeeze and be the lighthouse for everyone n oh... I'm seriously not attractive enough to make someone come and dance with me. The plus point of Zouk is, There's much more space and the music is kinda relax, not so many cuties, so wun feel so erm... what's that word. Hiya, you guys fill in the blank for me lah. The minus point is... Haha... NO cuties, no good Rnb, no chance to dance till i sweat. Plus Being in Phuture means I to let many unknowns accidentally "bump" into my boobies and booties. Muahaha. fuck, I'm crazy. I'm in love with Ciara. She's hot. My kinda girl... Beyonce, time to shift ur butt to another corner.

I'm starting work today, at 9am, so blardy excited till i can't sleep. I'm scared if i sleep, i'll oversleep! I have to say this k, I'm gonna have a cute nepalese ( is tat what u call ppl from Nepal?) colleage. Muahaha... Gosh, he's got all the sharp features, i think cute people gives me the motivation to go work sometimes. Ok...Tomorrow after work, i'm so gonna go get the Marie Claire purple pulp from Bata. haha. Why? It's cheap and it's bee-u-ti-ful! haha... Plus got my size! Tall ppl comes with a bigger feet if ya get what i mean, and i absolutely hate that fact! I can never take a shoe off the display and try it on, it has become a habit of asking the asst, " cuse me miss, what's ur biggest size for this?" with a huge grin on my face to hide my embarrassment. The situation isn't that bad now, cuz the size for shoes are getting bigger and I'm more matured now to think "Big feet big feet lah! Big fuck ah?!" WHen i was a Teenager... Erm... still am for another 4 months, I dun even dare to step into a shoe boutique AT ALL! My mum always get me my shoes. Basically my shoe collection only started last year... n got really crazy after I went KL with the crazy buncha people : Qiyuan, Ling, Kailing, Jasmine, Jay, Cosmo n Weiqiang. GOt even worst when I went for the second time with Dan and Cosmo! I have fetish for shoes! Within half a year, i own 5 pairs of pulps. And 2 more on the way... one getting it tml, one flying from KL to here now. Well, It's not alot for u madaholic shoppers, but it's alot for not such a madaholic one.

Ok... Agenda for the day. Work... 9am till 5pm, i think. Go home, take a power nap... Freshen up... dress up for blackie tonight! hehe... Decided to go tonight cuz Sat nights are meant for ma baby with effect from last week. Haha... He's working on week days, so weekends are exclusively reserved for him. Unless in unforseen circumstances. (^_^) Alright lah... time to take a lil rest, then wake my baby up and go for breakfast together. How i wish I this can last forever, Him waking up beside me, Us going for breakfast together. Him kissing me goodnight and whisper "I love you" softly in my ears. I love him too damn much. I still flirt a lil but there will only be one person in my heart. That is him. Self proclaimed Jon, when his real name is Wu Guoan. hehe... *smooches*

*Apologies for all my grammar n spelling mistakes. Haha...

~Kinda Shag~

2005-03-31T17:55:00.000+08:00

Went Zouking last night, saw Jacob but never say hi cuz i shy, i also dun think he recognise me so better not go n embarrass meself. Neways, i got really high on alchohol, spout some stupid stuffs out, got really crazy. Phuture is damn crowded n stuffy, n i saw someone who i detest so much. I hate going to zouk. It's just like Zouk = getting Drunk. You get what i mean. I dun really dance to mambo, so i kept drinking and just listen to the music. At black, i'll be too busy dancing to even think about drinking. After some serious considerations, yesterday night might be the last time i'm going zouk. Ever.

Daniel almost got Sharon, Jerms n me killed! The car practically flew up and i Hit my head on the roof of the car. Can u imagine how heavy the impact was? I scream for my dear life ok. Daniel, next time dun drive so fast can? Or i wun dare to take ur car anymore. Lagi best rite?.. Kaoz...

Change Blogskin again, cuz the previous blogskin ish kinda ugly after looking at it for a long time. Purple can get you sick in the stomach sometimes.

Went Jurong Bird Park for an interview today at the Flamingo Restaurant. Haha.. Nice place. Nice ambience, nice people. Haha... I think i'll be happy when i start working like... Tomorrow? Tat's Jurong Birdy Park for you, efficient. Unlike ZOo... The management kinda inefficient, last min then tell me they found my resume somewhere in the office. DUH! Biatches! Ok... I like attractions, it's the place where you meet people from all over the world. U know till now, I've never met a latino tourist before. Hope to meet a hot one there. haha... Male, female... Just as long as they are Hot Latinos! I love latin stuffs... music, dance, people, language, country and the list goes on and on...

Ok... gotta go chill, play sims or else there wun be any chance for me to relax for a long time. All I ask for is World Peace. (^_^)

~Sleeping is Good~

2005-03-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

Slept from 6am Till 5pm... a good 11 Hours! Feel so refresh and energetic that I wanna go for a swim!

Why did i say sleeping is good. Ever heard of sleeping diet? Girls who wanna lose weight but too is too lazy, this is the perfect solution! What you have to do is just sleep for 15 hours a day, then you will at least skip 2 meals! By skipping those two meals, you will be hungry but as long as you're sleeping, you won't feel a bit hungry at all! You will be busy dreaming about Mr. Jude And Mr. Brad to even think about eating. With that... Your body will start burning away fats from your fats to make yourself feel full. YUP! That's the way it goes... It is true, not just bull-shitting.

This diet only applies to people who has loadsa time to kill cuz it requires lots and lots of sleep! hahaha! You shud try to sleep more as sleeping reliefs stress, plus It is scientitically proven that people who are stress tend to get fat easier as they hardly sleep, they get hungry, they eat and get fat. THey had also trigger dunno which veins or muscle that causes their stomach to bloat and have a tummy. SO DUN BE STRESS! Relax... Life is beautiful...

I've been trying out this sleeping diet ever since i was like... 17? WIth the sleeping diet, plus a bit of swimming and badmintom, i lost 14KG... use to weight 74 but now i'm 60. Not really the ideal weight but I'm workin on it. Oh, just a gentle reminder... AFter you wake up... DUn go eat like a mad woman/man! You must still control your appetite! Dun control ur diet too much or you might totally reject food like i did last time. This way of diet only applies for people who knows how to control the amount of food they eat and when to eat, when not to eat. If not, it's never gonna work. Last reminder, don't eat at least 6 hours before you sleep! Dun drink at least 3 hours before you sleep! It will cause water retention! Really! tRust me!

WHat a blog... teaching people how to diet! But to all the lazy girls like me who hates to hit the gym, run the track... this is the good way to shed that fats! But hey, do remember to actually swim the swim, run e run after you shed some fats ok? You dun wanna end up having saggy skins on ur body... haha... real life example is my saggy breast! Haha! Gosh... Is that a major turn off for guys? I dun care, i'd already found someone who appreciates my saggy breast. ahaha!
ARGH! ALright... Me signing of now cuz i'm damn hungry already! Gotta go grab something to eat!

~8.5 Richter Scale!~

2005-03-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

FUck what I had just said just now... I'm simply too lucky to be living in Singapore! If i had been in NOrth Sumatra, I'd probably been dead by now. 8.5 richter scale! No kiddin ok? WOnder how many lifes are lost this time around... I'm so sad. I think the world is seriously coming to an end. Cuz before my grandmama died, she said we will all be drowned to death. By an huge tsunami that is going to swept the whole earth. Then we'll all tranform to another kind of living things call Mermaid. Ok... i made the last part up. I hope I'll live to see the earth collapse. Then I can finally tell myself i'm the last batch of everything! Last batch of students getting ICs at 12, last of tourism student... last batch of earthlings! Haha... jUst trying to creat laughters out of all the sorrows... Let's have one minute of silence and mourn for those who perished during the sumatra quake. Heard from daddy alot of chinese lives there.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

World Peace is the only thing I'd ever ask for!

~Miss Oh So Messed Up~

2005-03-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

Ok... It's official. I can be as optimistic as I want but after reading Zany's blog, i know things and life are not as good as it seems. Yes yes yes... drama mama whatever you guys wanna label me as but seriously, what do I really want?

Do I really wanna get engaged now, marry my boy after i graduate and give up my dreams? My dreams... I wanna be an air stewardess, that is why I'm doing my very best to fucking lose another 10 kg so i'll be 50 and be THIN n Pretty to fit into this superficial world! I have no idea why people always associate Thin with pretty. Of cuz this is no thanks to cutesy teenie weeny pinky crapy Taiwanese "Pop Princess" like Cindy Wang? Jolin Sai n loads more who i dun even give a damn what their name is. Oh... This mama mama girl... That girl in tat MVP lover? Hiyo... whatever her name is lah. They can't even sing for goodness sake! Fine... I am Jealous, so what? I'm just hating the fact that why people like me just seems to get stares everywhere. I'm 1.73,ya... I'm 60Kg ya... SO WHAT?! Please people! I'm not even close to the height n weight of a runway model ok?! They're all 1.78 plus n 60 kg plus... why do they look so glamourous? CUZ THEY ARE CAUCASIANS! So it's OK to look the way they look. Just admit it, you shallow guys in Singapore cringe whenever u see a girl who's as tall as me, or perhaps, as big as me... (fats i mean). Ok... Drifting too far from my initial topic. Being a stewardess. I wanna work for emirates, that is my dream, but 3 years in Dubai... will this drift me and baby apart? Will it affect our relationship? I can never make it to SQ, why? Cuz "SINGAPORE" Airlines mah... SHallow bunch of people! I believe I'm pretty n gorgeous in some ways... just that it takes more than just one bunch of shallow n naive Singaporean guys (ok.. prob just some) to appreciate me. Ok... drifting again... Well... my dreams. I have no idea.

I seriously do not want to stay in SIngapore forever. Yup. I wanna migrate to somewhere serene, somewhere where people are nice, greets you good morning, smiles at ya without making you think they have evil intentions. Somewhere I belong. Perhaps, Zan... We shud start our expedition of looking for somewhere we belong after we both graduate. And like u said, U wouldn't know if anyone will wanna marry ya other than Walter... same goes to me. Haha! Remember our promise with each other... we can grow old and die together as a couple of happy n self-fulfilled bachlorette, or better still, we can both turn lesbian and treat each other right. Perfecto! Haha! I'm going nuts!

Ever since young i have this picture of me, living in a small cottage, warm, cosy n fuzzy... hehe... With a big Garden or rather farm where i plant all my veggies, raise my poultry n let all my pet bunnies n dogs run freely. With me, is a man... Tall and strong with small eyes, quiet with a dry sense of humour, a die-hard romancer, idealist like me, escapist ( like me too), must be handsome, cuz i'm not so pretty, but i want beautiful kids. haha! And of cuz... super high S** drive haha... so we can have *** all day and make loads and loads of beautiful babies. Just think Josh Harnett. Hahaha! How wonderful will life be if i'm in that world.

Don't get me wrong tho, i'm happy with what i have... my Gawu who dotes on me so much. One thing i still can't accept is the fact that he's got havey responsibilities. I guess that's the reality and the quality that 99.2% of asian men has - Family Oriented. Not to just He-wife-children but He-wife-children-mum-brothers-sisters-aunts-uncles-grandma... you get what i mean? I can't imagine staying with his mum and brothers... i mean i Don't dislike them, it's just weird how he can get along so closely with my family and i can't seems to get as close to his. His family is the tradition type, mine is crazy. Seriously Crazy. Mum can't wait for me to marry off, give her some grandchildren, daddy's always not home, aunts offer to help me buy condoms... you get the idea? I'm crying out loud now for some guidance, what shud i do. DUn tell me to concentrate on my studies. With all these troubles... i can't. Shud have listen to myself and quit school two sems ago. I want a different life with the same people ard me, accept for a few whom i suppose they shud know who they are by now. I wanna be slim so i can be model, singer, actress, whatever! Give that to me! ArgH! ~bLeah~ It's never happening.

#exclusive# This blog to let Zany n Estar know that... YOu guys r not alone my babes. No matter what happens we have each other. Tho shit things happen in our friendship before... it's still strong n i still fucking love you both. Dun get to upset. I can't seems to buy clothes too... too expensive plus too small. Haha... Let's go KL soon!

~I'm Blogging again~

2005-03-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored till e extend that i change my blog skin again. This skin kinda gives me a magical feel. Witches, horoscopes and all that. Wearing my cookie monster PJs and thinking of what to do tomorrow... should i go play mahjong or shud i start revising cuz my holiday has not officially start yet. I'll think about it. Meanwhile... nature's calling. Need to rush to the loo!

LicKin good!

2005-03-27T21:17:00.000+08:00

LicKin good!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Dear Thought we were just going for a movie at SUn plaza, hair not comb, wearing singlet... haha! Happy anniversary baby! 3rd year together! 100 more years to go!

Me me me!

2005-03-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Me me me!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

The not so geeky beauty AND...

Geeky him!

2005-03-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

Geeky him!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

THE GEEK! hahaha! The nerdiest cutie I'd ever met!

Baby singing at the back

2005-03-27T21:12:00.000+08:00

Baby singing at the back
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Hahaha... Bliss is what i felt at that very moment.

Acting Classy...

2005-03-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

acting class
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Trying desparetely to act glamourous with my baby's windbreaker. hahaha!

I'm Real Upset

2005-03-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

~I'm Real Upset~

Sometimes i feel that i care too much. One of my besties are in her depressed mode, and i'm kinda drifting apart from her. I want to be there for her but she wun let me in to what's wrong with her... so I guess i have t leave her alone. It hurts to see her like that, it does. I'd warn her before, shit like this will happen if she goes back to that bastard bf. What can i do? I'm just sad that i couldn't be much of help to her. I did not know a fren can hurt you so much when she say she needs time alone... and dun wish to talk about anything. Maybe this frenship meant alot to me. We're always there for each other, be it, shopping, movies, clubbing... now it seems we're not doing any of that, not to even mention chatting over the net or phone like there's no tomorrow. I'm real upset. I hope she'll be ok soon. I miss her.

Growing up is tiring. There's more and more responsibility stack on your shoulder day by day, i hate responsibility. Do i have a choice? No. My responsibilities are to finish my diploma in time, get a good paying job and take over my parent's responsibility of taking care of my youngest sister. I'd always told myself, money is not the most important thing on earth, happiness is, but for the past few days... i'd realised that money IS everything, without money, happiness is being threatened. Money do buy you happiness in one way of another. You can do nothing all day with your love ones at home, but watching TV, playing computer games, showering, cooking, eating, don't all these cost money as well? Electricity bills? Think. DUn argue that money is not everything cuz it definitely is. I'm in no mood now,time to escape reality and play the Sims, where cheat code can be use to get money! hahaha! So i'll be RICH RICH RICH! Buy the whole boutique so i have new clothes to wear everyday! haha... Last word to all the rich and spoilt kids : Go ahead and spend... you're just too lucky!o

First Pic on my new cammie!

2005-03-26T19:26:00.000+08:00

First Pic on my new cammie!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Check out the wide grin on my face! Gosh! It's My dream cammie!!! Olympus Mju mini!!! hehehe... Thanks baby! This is the the BEST anniversary present from you! Happy 3rd year anniversary! Hope you like my pressie as well!

~Let's Get Deep~

2005-03-26T18:55:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why but i feel so "spiritual" today. I have deep thoughts for the whole day, did some soul-searching and have a great talk with myself. First of all, i wanna thank fate. Something which I strongly believe in, something that brought the love of my life to me, something that bonds me with all the darlings around me.

12:06 midnight later on will mark Our third year of being togethe. How time flies. It seems like only yesterday when we sat on the rooftop and had a nice chat and we just started kissing, holding hands. We been through so much of ups and downs, ins and outs, but we're still standing strong. Very strong. You accepted me for who i am, you accepted a girl who's 68 kg, ugly n fat. I hope you are happy with the way look now, it's for you. Only you. I'd never wanted to look this good for anyone. You deserve me baby. Thank you for making me a better woman, inspiring me in everyway.

Thank you fate for bring me to Flextronics to work as a part-time operator( A factory, yeah... what was i thinking but hey, i met him.) Thank you darling for turning me from a girl to a woman. I do not know if yesterday's was considered a proposal... but just to let you know. I'm already yours. Kailing had started to turn u into my husband. Hahaha...

The real me ~ I'm full of vengence... yes. I hate the "11 brothers" who make my secondary school life a living hell. Making fun of someone else's appearance is the most shallow thing anyone can do. Therefore,I'm filled with vengence cuz i did not have a normal secondary school life. I wasn't having any fun, i din make many good frens. They make me hate myself, they make me believe i wasn't worth anything but guess what? I'm everything that you guys are not. Heard that? What goes around comes around... karma works this way. May you guys have a blessed future ahead. Tho i'm still filled with hatred, today's the way i'm letting go of all my vengence and hatred for anyone. I wanna be a new woman emerge from all the strugglings and pretending. I'll dislike whoever i wanna dislike, i hold my head up high, but i will not look down on anyone like u guys did. Oh no... i think i still can't bring myself to NOT look on u guys. Sorry.

Part II Of real me ~ I am a flirt... till it hurts. I hurt my baby numerous times, i am very very sorry. Probably I'd never had the chance to flirt when i was younger, I'd tried to change. I can't believe it when Vicki told me i'm very "Hua Xin"... it really hits me. Yup... i am. I can't make up my mind on who i want n what i want. Now... i'd made up my mind, clearly, all i want is my baby Gawu. He's the man... he's the one i love n loves me back cuz the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be love in return. He's a geek... no doubt, the clothes he wear, the way he scratches his head when he do that silly grin, the tacky big red and blue stripe shirt... The way he looks blur 98% of the time. Underneath it all, he gives me more than what i can ask for. I'm a very loyal person if you keep me interested. really. This applied to all my frens as well. :)

Part II of real me ~ I love the Sims. Period.

Hahaha! I'm getting all mushy... cuz i'm meeting baby for our anniversary dinner later on! Gotta go dress up.. hehe... Cya peeps!

~Stupid People Does Stupid Things~

2005-03-25T02:59:00.000+08:00

~ Stupid People Do stupid Things~

Alrighty! I had a wonderful day with my palia sisters and my baby. Went town to shop my cousin Yiling's birthday present! Haha... not shopping for myself but hey... it feels good to shop! It's her 18th birthday and she's such a wonderful girl... so i thought we cud really put in more effort in choosing a perfect gift for her. Not gonna say what i bought, in case she comes in and read my blog. After shopping, Baby and me went for dinner at macs... my appetite isn't that good, so din eat much. Watched Miss congenialty... hahaha... i can't believe it's better than the first one! It broke the sequel's not as good curse! You guys should catch it! It's really armed n FABULOUS! But anon... you can forget about watching it, cuz you won't understand the smart jokes they make in there n oh... i forgot... u even forgot ur own name that u have to be anon. Let me name u instead, asshole shall be ur last name, Fucking shud be the first and stupid as ur 2nd? how's that sound? Great? Hahaha... I'm having so much fun! Anon... keep bringing entertainment ya?

~WalkIng n waLking...~

2005-03-23T16:31:00.000+08:00

~I'm Walking and walking aimlessly~

Seriously, Tp's a boulevard of broken dreams. I'd always thot i will do well, be on director honour's list or whatever shit. Looks like it will never ever come true in a million years. I'm seriously walking aimlessly, I do not know where i am heading. Why? Here's the checklist to failure.

- Addicted to clubbing
- Addicted to playing The Sims 2.
- Travel back n forth from school for 3 hours everyday.
- Addicted to reality TV/TV/whatever tat's on TV basically.
- Have a serious sleeping disorder, awake at night, sleepy in the day which is cause by clubbing.
- Basically, just lost interest.
- My class that i got in's getting from bad to worst, why am i always in the same class with ppl i can't stand and can't work with? Cheryl n Andrea... u gurls are excluded. (oh... i enjoyed clubbing with ya gurls! ahaha!)
- Financial problem at home... I'm constantly thinking of ways to earn money... I wanna be independent, my mum had suffered enough.
- In general, i will admit, i dun wanna study anymore, i wanna work n earn money to support at least myself. I still have a sis of 8 year old...

Sometimes looking at mum, my heart aches a lil. She's a wonder woman, she washes, cooks, cleans, work... takin care of all our needs. My dad's always overseas... My mother, my only motivation to actually continue studying. I don't wanna disappoint her but i failed 5 out of 7 subjects! I only pass my POM and MEIT coursework. What the fuck?! I felt that i had slogged for nothing. NOTHING AT ALL! Dragging myself to school everyday a stupid thing! I should have quit school when Landy did. It's too late now to quit cuz i can't wait for my attachment at Universal. I guess I might be graduating together with my peeps, I'm devastated, WHY!? WHAT HAPPEN TO ME?...
I can't blame anyone rite?... It's me. I'm the one who ruin my own future. Stupid me. I seriously hate some people in our course, it's not dislike anymore... IT's hate! I hardly hate ppl... but this time around, i really hate them! Who the hell goes clubbing and complain it's boring?! If it's boring, dun club! DUn even try! Stay home with ur mummy! Oh... there's alot of smokers in the club too, aren't you worried that u will die?

Right now... I'm just gonna clear all my papers and supp papers. And try to pass everything. AFter my attachment, the real Mandy will be back. By then do not complain i'm too domineering while doing project! You wan the real me, i give you the real me!

I hardly swear but... KNNBCCB tO all the fuckers in the world! I believe in Karma, what goes ard comes ard!

Fucking off now.

~scarY nIght~

2005-03-19T02:45:00.000+08:00

~ScaRy ScaRy niGht~

Tonight was a scary night. Supper was never that scary before!!! On the way to 7-11, 2 cats were meow-ing and "screaming". I think it's mating season for them...The sound was quite scary. We went to look at the cats and guess what, a wild dog appear fromno where and started chasing us! (My cousin, my sis n ME) We dash across the road and stood in the middle of the road for a minute, thank goodness no cars came by. The dog then was shoo-ed away by 2 bangladashi. haha! Good... then after we finally cross the road, a cockroach came out from no where and chasing chasing me! A COCKROACH!!! I hate it!!! On the way back, my cousin was teasing me about my crazy ambition to be a model... she said models are so skinny then she strike a pose. After striking that pose... with her back leaning against the wall... and all... she said it look like somethings that we dun wish to see at night. Then a gush of wind came and we all freaked out and started running all the way home! Gosh... I was already have neck injury... now it's even more painful. OUCH! WHat a nighT! Now i dun even dare to go toilet. What luck am i having lately? SO SUAY AH!

CInderella!!!

2005-03-14T01:18:00.000+08:00

CInderella!!!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

This is like the clearest picture that we had taken. CInderelli!!! hahahaha! This is the part where she just arrives the ball... and everyone was stunned by her beauty. The one ushering her down is the count, not the prince, prince is infront, the one in white. Saw it?

I'm watching my Back!

2005-03-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

I'm watching my Back!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Just to let you know that i'm always watching my back! WHat an artistic picture huh? Credits goes to my 2nd sis for the photography n ME for this "creative idea"!

The 3 Princess of Tan Family

2005-03-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

The 3 Princess of Tan Family
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Introducing ( from Left to right) , Princess Mandy (me), Princess Richelle ( youngest sis) & Princess Cassie ( 2nd Sis)!

Princess Mandy & her Prince Gawu

2005-03-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

Princess Mandy & her Prince Gawu
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Not all fairy tales includes coach, fanciful dresses and expensive gifts... We still gotta take Train home. (-_-)""

Baby n me

2005-03-14T01:13:00.000+08:00

Baby n me
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Taken Outside the ice rink. Hehe... Wanted to take with my Prince Aladdin but he went away too fast... so have to make do with my Prince Gawu.

2005-03-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

~DisNey~

WOaH... watched disney on ice today, Princess Classic, boy... I totally wanna be a princess! The princesses are so beautiful, i felt like a kid again, was clapping, smiling and all excited. My favourite princesses has to be Princess Jasmine, Princess Ariel, Princess Belle and Princess Ella ( CInderella). Gosh... i can't make up my mind! I simply love disney too much! haha! Can't wait for the HK disney launch in 12th september! I must go there and at least stay there for a week or two! Better start saving up now! hahaha! AM i a freak? So old already still crazy over disney! I'm actually quite lazy to blog. haha.. exams ae coming and i'm so totally not doing anything about it. Ok... i promise i will start studying tomolo! I promiseD! I gotta go set questions for my tuitee to do already! Ciao~

~WelCome to my life~

2005-03-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

~WelCome To my Life~

My laziness has finally taken it's toll on me. I'm debarred from my French class and i failed my applied research course work. Why am i so lazy? Gosh... I dread taking bus to school everyday, really hate it, it's really tiring. I admire those who dun find it a pain but to me, nothing can be worst.

Was reading someone's blog and was kinda "slapped" by what she said. I'm always complaining about how stone my guy is, how this, how that... It never occur to me that I am with the greatest guy on planet earth. He might be quiet, he might not be romantic, he might love me the way i want to be love but he gives me all that he can offer and is honest and patient with me. I wasn't being honest for the whole time, i told him, he accepted my wrong-doings and give me a second chance. He's a rare Gem. I'll never ever let him go. He's too precious, too special like diamonds and pearls.
He is already a part of my life, the air that i breathe.

Being love by him is the greatest feeling I'd ever had. Cuz I always believe that the greatest you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be love in return.

~I'm iN love~

~mE & HiM~

2005-03-06T19:24:00.000+08:00

~mE & HiM~
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

i'Ve been real Busy LAtely Cuz of giVing TuitIon, presentatIon n All that. Of CUz... CatchiNg Up wiTh him. My loVe. I want To MakE sure I Give hIm the bEst of everythinG so that even If wE dun work Out agaIn, i kNOw it's not my fault that i'd never tried Hard Enough. I'm Very happY With him NOw... It'S True that we gOtta GiVE anD takE in a relatIonship.
He's JealOus of HiM i knOw... ThiS showS he cAres right? I was VerY guIlty... More thAn ANgry, cuz i felt SO bad that i maDe him Upset and din Care about his FeelIngs. ANyWhos... WenT tO watCh hItch WIth HIm TOday... Great SHow GreaT laugHs... i LoVe him. :)

~ZouKinG~

2005-03-03T03:47:00.000+08:00

~zOukINg~

Just came back from Zouk, haha... Gosh! I broke my promise! I promise to go for accounts lecture tomorrow but i guess it's yet another empty promise that i'd always made. Met Jasmine's Mum's Frd Grandson or something from Germany... He's really kinda cute. Haha... Very tall as well, my neck is kinda aching from talking to him. He's a whopping 1.93 ok! Listen up SG guys... He's 1.93! Tat's what i call man. Tall, senstive n handsome. Haha!

He really reminds me why i love european guys when i was like younger. Haha... too much of chinese guys made me forgot what is it like to be treated like a real gurl. Zouk was alright, i can tell Thomas ( tat's hs name, Tat German bloke) wasn't really enjoying cuz of the cultural shock or something, so i might just bring him to Chinablack on Friday. haha!

Well... i might get debarred from French Class. I'm so sad. going to see Mr Benoit tomorrow noon, hope he'll pass me. PLEASE PASS ME! I'll DO ANYTHING!

Alright lah... i wanna sleep already... i'm so tired! AU ReviOr!

~Cristiano RoNaldo~

2005-02-27T17:34:00.000+08:00

Cristiano
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Was serving Friendster when i came across with My fave footballer now... Hehe.. He's so Gorgeous!!! ~swooooOon~

Tml's presentation, and we're all suppose to wear white collar shirt. I dun have one so... have to go buy. Fuck mann.. there goes my 29 bucks on an useless U2 white collar shirt. WTF!

SO mY bunny is a male, so from Dawn, i have to change it's name to Don... haha. Anywhos... I want to get Don a female companion. haha... So he wun feel so bored n lonely anymore.. hehehe... But first... i have to save up to buy that $148 cage for it... Money MOney moNey... we just can't get Enough of it dun we? Enough Said. Gotta go.

~ UniVerSaL wanTs ME!!! ~

2005-02-26T14:23:00.000+08:00

~ PlaCEmenT Secured ~

LooKs like everything's on the right track. Went for an interview at Universal Travel this morning and Ta-Dah! I'd secured a placement already! HOw cool!!! Hahaha! Just recieve their email saying that i've been selected! Yay! I'm so Damn Happy! All my unhappiness with my project group mate has been totally cast aside! Haha! BUt i do feel a lil uneasy becuz the jurong Bird Park's HR asst manager was sucha a sweet lady. Feel kinda bad for turning them down. But that's life isn't it? I wanna earn more, be more successful! Gain more experience. Haha! Tho i suck at Amadeus, i'm sure i'll catch up one of these days! hahaha!

My gut feeling was right, he only treated me as a best friend. I knew it... i just need to hear from him. Haha... but it's cool. I wun die... just a lil hurt. But hey... At least now I know who truly loves me. Guoan... Sometimes he hurts me like hell... but i think i hurt him even more. Becuz my heart can't settle down. After yesterday night n this morning, My heart has finally settled down. I'll settle down with him. I'm not too sure about our future, but just as long as someone loves me n i sorta loves him back... why not be together right? I'll try my best to love him 100% back. I seriously want to try. All is not lost yet, i still have feelings for him.

Today the confuse, scared and depressionist Mandy died. The confident, strong and "hello world!" Mandy's alive... and ya all... yOu can all stop calling me Mandy if ya wan, i have a real name... call moi Wee Bee.

I know my project group members are so totally unhappy with him, but look, who's the one who caused one of our exchange student to drop out. Sometimes some people just think that they are too good for the rest. Giving negative attitude and all... I did ask for work to do, god can verify for me, but no one seems to be giving me any, so DON'T COMPLAIN!!! I can't make it for project meeting, cuz i'm not as free as you guys are... n all the project meetings involves me sitting there and do nothing cuz can't u guys feel tat whatever i said... is being "voided". SO i'm betta off SHUt uP! Fail my appraisal if you must... say whatever if you must. I dun understand why My MEIT n POM project group went so well n this is like sucky. SOmeone must have been backstabbing me like kEzIlliOn times. I think whoever it is, you know who u r, i shan't mention names. Someone ask Ling to call me and ask if i can make it at 1 today... HA HA HA so funny! Weren't i the one who told Someone that can we change the time to 1, but tat someone, as far as i remember, she told me that " Whatever lah, you can come then you just come, if cannot then forget it." So i just assume my 1 o'clock proposal din work out! Give me a break! GIve me attitude again, i swear to god you guys will never see the quiet n reserve Mandy ever again. I'm freakiN pissed!

I better nort waste my time getting angry over things that i dun even bother. People whom i dun even give a damn. All my 3 interview was successful, but i think i'll go for Universal. Hehe.. HuitIng!!! hope to see you there!!!

~ SlacKing Day ~

2005-02-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

RaiNbOWs N butterFliEs? ~

SomEtimes it's really good to know that someone's always reading my blog... erm... not just that anon, but someone else. Someone i felt that is so important to me. I dunno does he know who am i talking about but, who cares right? Just as long as i know who it is, tat's all it matters.
I am seriously falling for him all over again. I can't help it. I had liked him since god knows when... But sometimes i can't help but remember the things he said to me when we broke up. He said that he knows my parents wun accept him cuz he's not of the same race. I felt really upset becuz i was willing to let go of my family to be with him. tat's how much i love him Cuz i know it's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.. Everytime i see him, i get butterflies after all these years, I feel like a lil girl. No one makes me feel tat way. But maybe we'll never work out. Maybe i'll never know how he feels for me... maybe...

Going out with Jasmine n the gang later on... dunno go where but u know.. i'll just blog in tml to let all my loyal readers know. Hahahaha!!! Well... gotta go take dinner. I hate routined life! I need and want a CHANGE!!!

~ I'm The QuEEn oF AttrACtions~

2005-02-24T19:45:00.000+08:00

~ i"m tHE Queen Of AttRacTioNS~

Haha.. ZOO FinaLLy CallEd me YesterdAY! WooHoo... so i Have Jurong BIrd Park and zoo to go interview for. Went to both today, it was tiring but definitely worth the while. Both Jurong BIrd Park and Zoo Offers me the position, but i think i'm more interested in JBP as they offers 3 position! Zoo's management kinda suck a lil... so i dun think i wanna spend my internship there. Haha...

Sat still have UNiversal to go... the JBP's HR manager is so nice... she's like, dun worry, just confirm with me on monday. I'll keep the position open for you. SO nice RIght?! Haha.. Ok lah.. Anyway, my comp is spoil... so i'm using my aunt's computer to Blog... And she wanna use it now to meet her "taiwan boyfriend"... so i gotta RUn! See Ya!

2005-02-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

~If I was A RiCH gIRl~

If I waS a rich gurl... i'll not be blogging anymore. I'll be too busy with doing things that i'm suppose to be doing at this time, maybe sleeping? haha... I dun need to give tuition to earn extra cash, dun need to think of ways to make more money at all. Haiz... bUt that's only i Wish. and IF i was. I'm not... can Never be, well at least for another 4-5 years. Ok... SO.. today presentation, in my opinion was a major screw up! No one was even listening at alL! What the... but it's all right. We're weren't prepared.

JuronG biRd Park called mE today! Yay! haha... going down for interview on Thursday. SO now, If Universal dun wan me, i have JUrong Bird PArk, n vice versa, what if both dun wan me?! DIEE!!!!! Better not think so much. I'm really tired so SiL voUS Plait... i'm goiNg to sleEp. Wanna joIN? Ok.. Meet U all at THat lamp Post ok? night!

BefOre HaiR cUT

2005-02-21T02:30:00.000+08:00

BefOre HaiR cUT
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

LonGer, MayBE pretTier... N MOre Xiao Nu Ren... ToTally Not ME!

New HaiR DO!

2005-02-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

New HaiR DO!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

ThIS iS after THe cut! hehehe... NiCE mAh?! i loVE it so MUch! iT's so ME!

BlacK n wHIte ClassIC

2005-02-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

BlacK n wHIte ClassIC
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Yet AnoTHer Pic that MakEs me look so Blardy OlD!

WOW!

2005-02-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

WOW!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Wow! Why am I WearIng suN gLAss? You wiLL soon FInd OUT! hahaha!

SoRe eyEs

2005-02-21T02:25:00.000+08:00

SoRe eyEs
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Look at my RIght eye! It's soRE!!! DUH! But i STill wENt KTV with My Sis n Moi COusiN CoRIN! hehe...

LinG eT moI AT DisCoTheQUe!

2005-02-21T02:24:00.000+08:00

LinG eT moI AT DisCoTheQUe!
Originally uploaded by mandybee.

Us at ChiNablCAk lAst Last sat! haha... I think I looK Kinda Old in This Picture! TiRed MahX!

~TiRed... bUt i'M loVin IT!~

2005-02-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

~TiRed... bUt i'M loVin IT!~

I kinda feel drained by the projects... but i think i'm not the only who shud feel so drained out. Cuz i think i din put in much effort for all the projects. I duno why but i just felt so distance from all my project mates. I think they dun like me or something but i dun give shit. I'm rushing for POM now, and i'm very happy that i am.. haha... i love to rush for prjects and all you know? All my previous semester i had rushed for stuffs, this semester only POM... haiz... I felt so empty.

My hair is really very short mann... bUt i'm loving every inch of it! hehehe... I finally got the hairstyle that i want! Short Bob that makes me look firecer. haha! More "ME" you see... hehe.. independent, career-minded and stress. hahaha!

I'm starting my first step as an independent woman, i wanna pay ma own bills, buy my own blings and the clothes that i wear. I'm giving my virgin tuition to a P2 kid after 2 years! hahaha... Hope to find at least 2-3 more tuition kid... so i can earn about 500 bucks of extra allowance every month. Alrite lah... i think i shud get back to my POM project... haha.. and ya.. my points for the debate thingy tml! Low Cost carriers has no class! (tat's my debate topic)
Hope my blabbers wun get me tml! TilL tHen XXX

2005-02-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

~WoohOo sO harPie!!!~

GuEss What?! UniVersaL Emailed Me and ask Me to Go dowN for INterView nExt Sat! Haha... GREATY!!! i"m so Blardy Happy! Why? I dunnO.. Maybe due tO The fact that UniVErsal sElls PackagEs to exotic places and Erm... Adventurous PlacEs! There'S travel opportuniTy! I guess i MUST MUST MUST do wellf or the IntervIEw! I can'T afford to flung this BEcuz it's the only Travel agency i sent my Application to... Hehe... Zoo... Haiz.. maybe My resume is not WOW enough. So... HoPE i get UniVersal. Sorry KailiNg n JasmiNE... as mUch as i Wanna work witH u guRls.. i can't aFford to dO Desk bOund JoB.. u Gurls know me very well, i wiLL DIE If you ask me to sit in the whole day... i Need to run arouND! Haha... Gosh...

Haven't been Going out Cuz my eye infection is really getting from bad to worst. Chingay today somemore, lazy to go Town... Damn crowded for sure.. so i stayed at home for the whole day! hehe... Great to spend some quality time with family sometimes ya know. Hehe... had quite some laughs with my family. Hehe... Oh oH... i'd also sent my Resume to Jurong Bird Park, Hope they'll call me as well! My life's back on track! Feel so ecstatic now! Over the mooN! hehe... YOu know... Tat anon, Just make my blogging seems fun cuz i know somehow you'll be watching. Hehe... all me DRama Mama But Let ME telL ya! I lOVE mY liFE! ANd you... Just Go ahead n Be anOn - someone witHOut an Identity FOrever Bah! haha...

Hmmm... I guess Tat's about it... Gotta go. Hehe... My mUm n Dad wanna go "fiSHing" gotta Join Them! hehe.. Au rEvIOR!

2005-02-16T01:42:00.000+08:00

~ I goT a FaN!~

LoOks lIke i got a Fan Here... someOne wHO claiMs to Be aNon. Haha.. Not bad eH.. BOtHEr to Read My blOg! haha...

Me and my pMS, all girlS have iT duN theY? WHen they feel awful, they say awful ThinGs, I know my previous blog hAd cause me loadsa Shit, my frens all told me to "burn In hell" just like what anon DId... cuz they cares so much and i still think they dun. Ok.. FuCk myself ok! I'm sorry My Frens... sorry for scaring u guys, just PMS lah. And anon... Thanks, I know u Care alot too. :) *To AnoN: i cAn't see U, buT i LoVE the damn EXpressIon on ur Face Now! Hahaha!*

Ok... wenT karaOKe wiTh Estar, Zan N RedwaN toDay. hehe. had a great Time... my CravinGs my singiNg is finallY FulfilLEd. Din wanna blog today cuz am so damn tired, but after finishing my airline biz stuffs... i felt like blogging again.
I am so happy, have no idea why but hehe... I was quite shocked that he agreed to come along. I was like... you shouldn't even ask cuz he wun come. But after a lil persuasion, he came. Haha... I'm overwhelmed with Joy i dun even know what i'm typing now.

Went to watch a very long enagement with Estar n Guoan yesterday... iNdeed A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT. haaha... the story is so lonG! Muahaha.. buT overall, it's Really romantic and nice... tho i did not cry. I think Audrey Tautou is such a Great, wonderful, marvellous, oscar deserving actress. She acts as a strong woman who believes that her love will return, n she made all of us in the theatre felt strong... n din cry. Gosh! SHe's UnbelievablE! I really dun mind watching it again u know? *hint HinT* to interested Parties who wanna take me out for movie.. hahaha.. *kiddin*

Alrite... i better go sleep now b4 i can't! haha.. if i try to stay awake for too long, i'll energise by then, then tat's it... tml no need go school already! hahaha! Dun feel like attending French class tml, DUH! it's consultation... so i think no need to attend rite? I think i'm not going then. hahaha... GoOD nighT u peopLe... N the one i realLy loVe... Anon. haha! Tag me more ok? I will definitely appreciate it very much!

2005-02-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

~ DyiNg ~

AftER watChinG ConstanTine n a VisiT to the DoC, i realise i'm DyinG. FiRst... I smOke, so my lung is blaCkie, then I driNK, so My LivEr is FailIng. In a year's timE, i wouldn't be blogging cuz i"ll Be joiNIng mY gRand mama In HeaVen ( i HopE)

Life is kinda Meaningless, i have no idea why do i live still... maybe dying is betta. I'm a pessimist - yes. Tat's what i do, thinking of reasons why i shouldn't live than thinking of reasons why i shud live. I'm not doing anything now that i wan to, there's nothing i am looking forward into doing, so what now? Can anyone give me something in life that i can anticipate for? The only thing i can anticipate for now is the day i die. NOt anything else. No one really cares if i'm alive or dead, they appeared to be, but deep down they dun give a damn about me. Cuz i'm not perfect that's why.

Is it so difficult to find someone who will love me the way i want to be love? Is it so hard to happy? I just dunno all the answers. Tml is a beginning of another me getting one week older, one week closer to my deadline. One week to my own relief. Can someone just shoot me?

2005-02-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

wHy mAnn... WhY?!

SomEtimez i juz feel as if i really need to go down to Hougang Chalet for a check up, I think i'm crazy, sick and psychotic! Today's chinese new year's eve but all that is up in my mind is to strangle someone. I dunno why but i just feel like killing someone. Feel so frustrated and agitated, over what? I dun even know... What THe pIanG RIte?

Haven't been consistently blogging for the past few days... was realli busy with school, spring cleaning and blah blah blah... yadah yadah yadah... Cleaned my room up last evening and gosh, my room finally look like a room! Haha! Well, there's alot of relatives in my house now, so... Have to rite?.. stupid! The only part i like about chinese new year is only the Hong bao part, but as i grow older, it became a bore too. KNow why? When u get older, the hong bao becomes lesser. Dunno why but it's true ( at least for my case). So fuck all THe hoNg Bao! GiVE me Money without those red ugly wrappings!

Mum bought me a diamond pendant last night... i shud say.. i'm touched but i felt it's a bit dumb. It's like, so blardy tiny and it cost 397?!!! What THe pIanG! I'm like *FainTZ* Becuz i'm not an accessories, jewellery person, dun even mention diamond!! It'll just look ugly on me lah... but mum wanna pamper me... then let her be. I love ya mum! haha..

The police academy called me last night as well... ask me to go down for an interview on the 14th feb. Valentine's Day.. at 7 pm some more! What the Hell... dunno if i shud go or not lei.. shy! Can u guys see me in police uniform? Very funny rite? STudent/whatever it is by day.. police by the night. But i do have a passion for it... jus that my mum finds police in Singapore is so blardy lame. Haha... But what the heck! I'll just go for the fun of it. If i get in, i must undergo like 7 mths of training b4 i officially become a voluntery police, with the same rights as a normal police. By then i think i might have a figure of erm... Angelina Jolie.. haha... But i dun like running... ARGH! Well Just Dun mess with me now or i'll shoot you later! Trust me.

I'm like so totally hungry now!!! DINNER!!! ArgH! still gotta wait for god knows how long! Reunion dinner is always sucha drag... HoH? YOu guys agree rite? Have to wait here, wait there, greet this, greet that, polite here, polite there.. Fuck it ah! ARGH! I think i'm having PMS so... if u think i'm real irritating,,, SHoot me tHEn. ByE!

2005-02-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

Been QuiTe lOng...

It's been quite long since i blog... 4-5 days?.. I dunno. Lost count of the days becuz everyday is a daze for me.

My "date" with wan is ok... nothing much, just met his frens, sat down for a chat... It's good catching up sometimes. But i guess i might have scare him away becuz of my "open-ness" haha.. what to do?... U are who u mix ard with! My PalIa.. No offence oK? hehe...

He bought me a phone, samsung E800C, my dream phone.. I was touched to tears, but i feel so guilty. I din wanna accept the phone, but he gave it to me anyway. I still love him, of cuz... if i dun, i wouldn't be crying buckets everynight. I miss him. Shud we start all over again?... i'm confuse. I gotta go... no mood to blog.

2005-01-31T13:17:00.000+08:00

NevER beeN happIer My EntiRe lIfe!

I'm feeling so HappY! No... i din like pass my test with flying colours and all, i dun give a damn about my test anyways. I'm going for a movie with someone special coming Wed. :) hehe...

ANywayz... i'm like so blardy tired on the first day of school! DUH! I can't sleep till like 3 in the morn! Was downloading loads of songs and i finally found the song that i wan! So the title is Kabhi Aar Kabi Paar! haha.. by Raghav. You guys shud check out tat song! iT's reallie nice! You can't help but shake ur ass to it! hehe.. Alright lah.. nuthin much to blog about already.. so i guess i gotta run! hehe..

2005-01-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

What's Wrong?!

I'm totally utterly Getting impatience cuz i msg-ed some of my project group mates and they seems to be "un" keen to keep me update. I dunno what i did wrong but somehow my project group mates just diss me. I'm not too sure izzit becuz i'm overly sensitive or is it due to Their heck care-ness. But i seriously wan to get things done. It's not as if it's my fault for taking a holiday. Is it? I need a holiday, it's a term break for goodness christ sake! If anyone of you guys are reading this, PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATE! I'm not a mind reader or whatever, i dunno what u guys are thinkin unless you guys tell me! I'm sick and tired of being that quiet one who gets all the shit! I'm gonna stand up for myself and if i'm not gonna like what i see or how i feel, i WILL nOT Just keep quiet about it! Trust me! And i'm seriously unhappy with my project group, airline dist i mean. Cuz i know you guys are unhappy as well, Just let Me know ok? Dun just be pissed at me without letting me explain myself! I hate people who says things about me when they dun even know what's going on! Becuz from what i know from Cosmo, someone's been bad-mouthing me all along... You Shud know who u are. If you're a man, stand up and say the things you said to cosmo to ME! I hate Guys with no balls to even speak up! ARGH!!

I'm gonna put aside the unhappy things and let's talk bout happier stuffs! Went Chinablack last night and man... the feeling is totally Great! I'm so glad to once again meet my long lost fren Jonathan. hehe... it's a long story how i got to know him. I'm a fat and ugly teenager when he's already a handsome grown up. It was like CInderella story when he came to my school and pick me up when i was like 15? Ya.. hahaha... Everyone was like "WHAT?!!!!" haha.. Esp the malay girls in my school. Lost contact with him cuz he went overseas to study and work.. ya.. but you know, haha... he's actually ANn's fren! God damniT! hehe... Am i lucky or what? It took us 3 weeks of clubbing at chinablack to talk to each other! buT i'm Glad i found him, he's a really nice bloke. Not shallow definitely. Hehehe...

I got back my Lap top from Dan, just when i thot i can start doing my resume and sending it out, Dan forgot to bring my charger!!! ARGH!! he has to go home and take it. What the hell! Looks like i can't do much till then. To all My Project Mates! I'm sorry if i'm not efficient enought but my Lap Top Is nOt with Me and all mY work Is iNside! I dun think i need to explain much cuz explaining means hiding... i'm not hiding anything and i'm not afraid of anything, especially things THAT ARE FUCKING UN TRUE! YOU GUYS GOT THAT? Thanks for your time all you bitches and bastards for reading my blog.. i'm really feeling pissed today!

2005-01-29T16:39:00.000+08:00

We'Re CluBbInG tOnIght!

I seriously hope LinG Is alrigHt... Cuz From The way She talks, she seems lost. I wish i Can do somethinG to help her But i can't... I dunno. I'm in the same situation witH her, i dunno what to say n do to make her feel better. The least i can do is to company her and club with ya... Hehe...

I think this Trip to Kl really cHAnged me, i'm a more confident Person and.. yUP! More pRouD of MyselF. Haha.. mY own Body and all that shit. I love Myself more. ReallY! Keke... I'm so Glad that someone actually Msg-ed me when i'm in Kl and he's lIke :( when he din get my reply. Hehe.. U know who u r. :) hehe... seriously miss that bloke. He's always making me smile witH his Gayish Photos! hAHAHAHAHA!

aLriGht lah... Blog Is kinda just to tell that someone that i miss him n I would lOve to go Out for a movie witH him. Hehe.. Get The Hint? Hehe.. ok?... Tat's All Gotta Say Here! Au ReViOR!